


Come Back To Me

by anZt10



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Heartbreak, I'm Bad At Tagging, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Romantic Fluff, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Wakanda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-11-17 10:22:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 25,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11273514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anZt10/pseuds/anZt10
Summary: Alexandra lost him once.Her James.She won't let it happen again.(I promise the story is better than my summary)Disclaimer: I own nothing except the original character and I do not receive any profit from this work.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My second fanfic *yeay*  
> I finally decided to do story post-Civil War. I never thought I would do this since whatever happens after Civil War is too complicated IMO.  
> But let's give it a try, shall we?  
> Thank you for reading. I really appreciate any comments from you my lovely readers.

Alexandra completely aware about the risk of getting involved with the infamous James Buchanan Barnes aka The Winter Soldier. She met him around four years ago when he was still on the run and she was just a naive young woman who was just graduated from Harvard and worked for UNICEF in Bahrain branch. Alex clearly didn’t have any idea that the man she met was the Winter Soldier, who turned out to be Captain America's best friend. Eight months after, HYDRA manage to find him. They immediately brought him back, brainwashed him then ordered him to hunt down Captain America himself, few days before the insight helicarrier fell down on Triskelion.

The first time they met, it was late night and Alex was on her way back from the office when she encountered three men who were up to no good at all. Then a stranger showed up and it didn’t take a lot of effort for him to beat those jerk’s asses. Unfortunately, that man immediately left before Alex could say anything. The second time, they were in the market, Alex got to thank him for what he has done a few nights before, the man only said that she need to be more careful next time and he left again in a hurry.

But the third time was really a charm. “I’m Alexandra, everyone calls me Alex,” she said with a smile on her face. It was the first sincere smile he had seen lately, which made him decided to shake her hand and introduced himself. He said his name was James, … just James. Alex was almost late to work when she accidently bumped him, so she asked him to have dinner with her that night, “Allow me to return the favor. Please?” she said. James was hesitated, but then he agreed anyway. Little did she know, everything  would never be the same once she let him walked into her life.

**[April, 2014 - Bahrain]**

“You need to go home ASAP! I’m sending the jet now,” said the voice on the phone.

“Hey! I’m working here! You can not pull me out like that!” Alex shouted.

“There’s an emergency, Alex! Go watch the TV, I bet it’s all over the news!  You MUST go home! End of discussion!” and before Alex could said anything, the phone was hung up.

_Ugh!_ Alex was cursing the man talked to her before, but still, she turned the TV on, looking for a news channel. Her jaw dropped instantly after she saw one of the SHIELD helicarrier hit the Triskelion, filling the Potomac River with its debris. She covered her mouth with her hand, it was hard to believe that HYDRA was hiding right under SHIELD’s nose this whole time.

But something caught her attention even more when they mentioned a HYDRA assassin called The Winter Soldier.

She recognized him. Better yet, she knew him.

Half of his face was covered, but she couldn’t mistaken that metal arm with a striking red star.

_He can’t be…_

**[Present day - Wakanda]**

Alex finally arrived in Wakanda after a long flight from New York City, and she was accompanied by Tony Stark. The plane door swung open and Tony walked out first, followed by Alex. They were greeted by King T’Challa himself.

“Welcome, Mr. Stark,” T’challa shook his hand firmly and then he turned his eyes to Alex, “I can assume this is your sister?”

“Your Highness,” Tony said, shaking the King’s hand, “Yes, this is my sister. Alex, this is… “

“I know who he is, Tony,” Alex cut him off and walked directly to introduce herself.

“Your Highness,” she shook his hand, “My name is Alexandra. Thank you for your invitation, I thought I would never get the chance to see how majestic Wakanda is,” she smiled.

“My pleasure, Ms. Stark. Let’s have a further discussion inside,” T’Challa led the way to his palace and they walked straight to the R&D building.

The Wakanda King took them to a room and once he opened the door, they could see right away that there was a cryo compartment where James Barnes was sleeping inside.

“We always monitor his vitals. There are doctors and scientists in charge, three times a day. We do the best we can to prevent anything that could go wrong,” T’challa explained.

“May I?” Alex asked.

“Of course, Ms. Stark,” T’challa smiled to her.

Alex walked slowly to see him. His metal arm was no longer there. Tony told her about that before they took off to Wakanda and she was furious.

She placed her palm gently on the glass. He really looked like he was sleeping.

_Hello, James_.

Her heart beated faster, she was more than happy to see him again, but there was some kind of sadness lingered in. Her tears almost rolled out of her eyes, but then she blink rapidly to contain her tears inside.

“What will happen when he wakes up?” Alex asked the King.

“He might experience dizziness, nausea, confusion, but we will try to reduce every side effect that may occur. There is nothing to worry about Ms. Stark,” T’challa sounded very calm and confidence.

“Thank you, Your Highness,” Alex replied.

“I must admit that I was surprised when your brother told me that you know James Barnes,” the king said again.

“Oh. It was years ago, we only knew each other for a short time, maybe he doesn’t remember me at all. I was told that,” Alex choked a little, “... that his memories were erased.”

“We are going to find out tomorrow. Now I assume that you are all tired. My man will take you both to your chamber. I’m sorry I can’t stay with you any longer, my friends, I have another meeting some place else. Oh, before I forget, Captain Rogers will join us tomorrow, thought you both should know,” T’challa bid them goodbye and they thanked him before he left.

After they were taken to each room, Alex took a moment to admire the view from it. It was almost sunset and she could see the amazing view straight from her room. There was a large window facing a private garden outside and the guest can sit there, enjoying the breathtaking view and the fresh air of Wakanda. She went outside and sat on the garden chair. She took a deep breath and then she closed her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**[January, 2013 - Bahrain]**

“So, what are you doing here in Bahrain? As far as I know, not many people consider this as a holiday destination,” Alex chuckled a little bit. She and James were sitting in a fast food restaurant near her apartment.

“I… I’m just trying to find a different scenery here, you?”

“Oh. You had a unique choice then,” Alex smiled, “I’m working for the UNICEF, this is my second year here. How long have you been here?”

“I lost count, but I think it’s been 3 years.”

“You like it here, huh?”

“Yeah, I think so,” James replied.

One thing Alex noticed was James didn’t talk much. It was like he was holding back something and he was acting a little bit unusual, like he was always watching his back. Certainly, he was afraid of something, but Alex didn’t want to bring that up. Not now. He was a good listener though. Mostly, Alex did the talking, she could talk much about her job here, how they helped people. But the night ended faster than they thought and James offered to walk her home. Before she walked inside, James handed her something.

“Here, just in case you need it,” James said.

Alex took a look at it and smiled, “Pepper spray, huh? Let’s hope I won’t need to use it,” she said.

James smiled a little.

“Thanks for having dinner with me… and walking me home,” Alex smiled.

“It’s nothing,” James replied.

“Um, I’m sorry if I might sound too straightforward, but … , will I see you again?”

James stared at her, he was quite surprised but he wouldn’t miss the chance to see her again, so he said yes. He didn’t give her a phone number or his address, but he said that he will find her. Alex nodded and bid him goodbye afterward. James waved his hand as he watched her walked inside.

* * *

Alex opened her eyes and smiled. It was a pretty good time. She always loved his blue eyes. It caught her instantly the second they met. She would love to stare at them anytime she could. They were beautiful. There was an unexplained sadness in there, like he was going through something… bad. But he hid it pretty well.

That night, when they had dinner, there was a little spark of life in there, which was the first time Alex saw it since they met. It happened years ago but Alex still remembered it like it was only yesterday. Suddenly, there were tears rolling down from her eyes.

_We’ll meet again soon, James._

* * *

After she took a shower, Alex decided to knock on her brother’s room. Tony opened the door and let her in. He poured himself a drink and asked Alex if she want too, but she shook her head.

“Tony, are you going to be okay?” Alex asked her brother once he sat beside her.

“Always,” Tony smiled but Alex knew it was forced.

“Talk to me,” Alex said. Tony knew exactly what she was talking about, or in this case, it was ‘who’.

“What do you want me to say? That I missed him? That I’m lost without the Avengers? No, Lex. I’m doing just fine. Rhodey is healing and the best part is, I get the chance to make you happy now, by helping Barnes out,” Tony replied.

Alex scoffed, “Since when my happiness become your obligation?”

“It’s always been, Lex,” Tony smiled to his sister, “Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, he had done so many… things,” he added.

“I know, Tony. But it wasn’t him. It was and always been HYDRA, you know that” she tensed up when mentioning that cursed organization.

“Sometimes I’m not really sure that you are my sister,” Tony smiled at her.

“Why? Because I have brain and you don’t?” Alex chuckled.

“You have the heart, Lex, and I’m just … well, me,” Tony replied.

“Hey, you do have a heart. I’m your sister, so you must believe me when I say that.”

Tony gave her a thin smile. Before he could say anything, there was a knock on the door. It turned out that the King had ordered their dinner to be delivered to their room. Alex asked for her dinner to be served as well because she felt like she wanted to have dinner together with her dearest brother tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> I'm open for suggestion and I appreciate any comments from you, lovelies!  
> -xoxo-


	3. Chapter 3

**[April, 2013 - Bahrain]**

“James?” Alex was surprised to find James at her doorsteps when she got home from work. But something was not right, his head was down with his crossing hands were covering it. Alex walked toward him then she sat beside him.

“Hey, are you okay?” Alex put her hand gently on his arm, “James, gosh, you’re shaking. C’mon, let me take you inside,” she sounded concern. James didn’t say anything but he lifted his head up. He seemed… lost. Alex helped him up and they both walked in. Alex unlocked her apartment and led James to the couch.

“Let me get you a drink first, okay?” she left to the kitchen and filled a glass with water then brought it to James.

“Here, drink this,” Alex handed the glass to James and he accepted it. He drank it straight away.

“Better?” Alex asked and James nodded. Alex took the glass from him and put it on the table. She sat next to him.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“What’s wrong? Are you catching a cold? You can rest here if you want,” Alex said.

“No. I… I’m fine. It was just… I lost it for a while,” James clenched his fist.

“Hey, hey, slow down. You don’t have to tell me anything right now. It’s okay. Just… try to breathe,” Alex held his hand gently. James took a deep breath.

“There you go,” she smiled. Alex didn’t have any idea what just happened with him. She could only guess it was just some kind of anxiety attack. _Was_ _  he a soldier?  _ After all this time, he never told her his past. He did say he was born in Brooklyn. But the rest was just a small talk about his new life here. He said that he likes to hear her talk, her life was more interesting than his. Alex didn’t argue with him about that. She knew, someday, he will tell her everything. She didn’t want to push him.

“I think you need to know…,” James said after a few minutes of silence, “sometimes, … I forget. I couldn’t remember who I am, or what I’m doing, everything felt like a blur,” James took another deep breath.

“Just when I thought I was okay, it came back. I didn’t even know why I came here in the first place,” he scoffed, “I’m sorry you have to see me like that,” he said again and placing his other hand on Alex’s.

“No. You don’t have to say that. It’s not your fault. Hey, I’m right here if you need me, James,” Alex stared deeply at him.

“Thank you,” he replied, “I have to go now,”.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I mean, you can stay if you want,” Alex said.

“No, I don’t want to cause you any trouble. I, uh, I’ll see you again tomorrow,” he smiled a little.

“Okay. Dinner?”

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

* * *

As much as Alex wanted to, those memories couldn’t seem to just fade away. They kept repeating in her mind and it was getting more often. She couldn’t shake them off and it mixed up her feelings. She was happy because she was going to meet James again. She was sad because of all the bad things happened to him, but she was also afraid that James won’t remember her at all. It scared the shit out of her. After everything happened in Bahrain, under a normal circumstances, she swore she could kill him if he doesn’t remember anything. But all of this was far away from normal. HYDRA made him forget. They took him away from her and woke the assassin back. They buried James Buchanan Barnes so deep, but the good thing was he made his way out when Steve said his name. Maybe there’s still hope for Alex after all.

It was morning already in Wakanda. The big day has come. She went to the dining hall with Tony to have breakfast with the King. T’chall greeted them both and asked them to sit down.

“Did you sleep well last night, Ms. Stark?” T’challa asked.

“Yes, I did, Your Highness,” Alex replied with a warm smile.

“Big day today. Are you ready?”

“I always am,” Alex felt her heart stopped for a moment when T’challa spoke about today.  _ What am I going to do when he awake? _

Not too long after, the meal was served for each of them. It was a simple breakfast, a toast and an omelette. After a few bite, Alex could hear footsteps approaching, she turned her head and there he was, Steve Rogers were joining them in the dining hall.

“Good morning,” Steve greeted everyone and then he turned to Tony, “Tony,” he said.

“Rogers,” Tony replied.

“Glad you can join us for breakfast, Captain,” T’challa said. Steve nodded at him and pull a chair for him to sit next to Alex, across Tony.

“When did you arrive, Steve?” she asked.

“Last night,” he answered.

“Oh,”

“Ms. Stark, I hope you can join me in the R&D room after you’re finish with your breakfast,” T’challa said.

“Of course, Your Highness,” she replied and T’challa left the dining hall.

“I’ll leave you two to talk and do not deny it, I know you both have a lot to say to each other,” Alex said, she finished up the omelette and took away her toast. She was running straight to the R&D room to meet the King.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a short vacation right now. But I'll try to update as soon as I can.  
> Thank you for reading, lovelies!  
> -xoxo-


	4. Chapter 4

**[June, 2013 - Bahrain]**

"Say something, please," James begged.

“I, uh, ... I really don't know what to say right now,” Alex covered her mouth and her eyes wide opened. She was shocked by what she saw when James finally decided to take off his dark blue jacket he always wore every time they met. She never asked him to take it off this whole time. She did ask him once if he didn’t feel hot or something, since Bahrain’s temperature is always above 30 degree Celsius, and James said that he felt fine, so Alex never asked about it again.

“What happened, if I may ask?” Alex asked. Her eyes were still staring his metal arm.

“Long story short, as far as I can remember, I fell off the train. I remember that I went on a surgery, but everything since then was pretty much a blur,” James scoffs.

“You... fell off the train?” Alex wasn't so sure of what she heard before.

"Uh huh. I was lucky to be alive," James replied.

"Is it hurt?"

“Not anymore. It did at first, but it’s kinda grown on me,” James answered.

“Can you move it like your other hand?”

James chuckled, “I held your hand once, right?”

Alex laughed, “Of course, sorry, it was a stupid question, I don't know how to react properly, I think. I mean, it is not something you would see everyday. Well, I'm shocked, clearly. I thought you were going to show me your scar or a tattoo, but this… ,” Alex paused, “This is something else, James,” she added.

“You can not tell this to anyone, Lex.”

“I won’t. Why would I?” Alex scoffs, “Um, can I touch it?”

“Sure, c’mere,” James said. He made a gesture for Alex to sit next to him on the couch, so she did. Slowly she put her palm on his metal arm and started to stroke it gently, then she chuckled.

“This is so... weird, yet fascinating. Can you feel this?”

James nodded.

“Thank you for telling me, James, and thank you for trusting me,” Alex smiled and held his hand. James shifted his position. He was face to face with Alex, he took a moment to stared at her before he gently running his palm through her cheek, to her neck, then pull her face closer to him. It made her heart pounding. Their eyes met before Alex noticed his eyes were moving to her lips. Then just like that, their lips were crashing. The kiss was passionate. They both know how long they’ve waited for this moment, how much they were hungry for each other. James’s hand were running from her face to her back to hold her tighter. Alex didn’t realize when she was moving but she was sitting on his lap now. Her hands were around his neck. None of them wanted to let go. Alex could feel it was getting harder to breathe but, hell, it wasn’t the worst way to die at all. Their tongues started to play and the kiss felt more desperate than ever.

James started to unbutton her shirt, revealing her breast which still covered with a black laced bra. Alex felt grateful that she wore one of her best underwear right now. She pulled up his shirt and she could see his scar around the metal arm. She gently touched it, before James took her hand and placed a kiss on it. Their lips met again. But unexpectedly, he stopped.

“What is it?” Alex stared at him deeply.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t supposed to drag you into my world,” James shook his head.

“It’s too late, James. You’re stuck with me,” Alex smiled.

“I’m a mess, Lex,” he said, holding her tighter more than ever. His head was placed on her chest.

“You are my mess and I don’t even mind,” Alex said, running her fingers through his hair and placed a kiss on his head.

He lifted his head and his eyes met hers. Alex could see a slight sadness in his eyes.

“How about… let’s just cuddle and watch movie. What do you think?” she asked him.

“Yeah, I can do that. I’m sorry, Lex. I didn’t mean… “

“Sssh. It’s alright, James. I understand. Let’s take things slow, okay?” she smiled.

“Thank you,” James smiled and planted another kiss on her lips.

* * *

Alex shook her head, she tried to shake off the memories. It was hurting her over and over again. That was their first kiss. Everything seemed so perfect back then. For James, all that chaotic feeling surrounding him faded away when he was in her arms. She gave him a brief moment of peace. The nightmares weren’t so often anymore since they grew closer. She was never afraid of him, or treated him differently. It was the closest for him to feel like a human again after years of torture, multiple brainwashing, in and out of cryo.

On the other hand, Alex felt safer and so comfortable around him, she could tell him any story and she could do anything she wanted around him without being afraid that he would judge her. Alex’s previous relationship with this one guy in high school didn’t work because he always seemed annoyed with Alex attitude. He was the cool guy in school and she was, well, it’s safe to say that she was a nerd back then. She spent her time most in the library and his boyfriend didn’t like it. Anytime he took her out, he always told her how to act around his friends. Alex couldn't take it and they broke up after dating for seven months.

After they broke up, Alex used to wonder why would that guy ever interested in her in the first place. His brother told her that as long as there’s a ‘STARK’ behind her name, people would see her and expect differently. Soon after, she asked him if she could use her mother’s last name to apply for Harvard. Tony first denied her request, but arranged everything for her name changing anyway after she kept bugging him. Since then, Alex never used his father's big name anymore, not until she began to work for the Avengers after the Triskelion incident. Tony decided that it was safer to keep his sister close to him.

Alex was too occupied with her own mind at the moment, she didn’t notice Steve and Tony were already in the room.

“Ms. Stark?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, people!  
> I hope you like this chapter and thank you for reading! -xoxo-


	5. Chapter 5

“Ms. Stark?” T’challa called her for the third time. Tony had to tap her in the shoulder to bring her back to reality.

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness. I was just… thinking.”

T’challa only gave her a smile, it was like he understand why she acted like that, “Shall we begin the procedure?”

“Yes, of course,” she replied, then she turned to Tony and whispered, “I didn’t saw you coming,”.

“How could you. You were standing there like zombies, lifeless,” Tony teased her.

“Zombies can run pretty fast, Tony,” Alex said. She turned her head to watch some scientists and doctors worked on James’ cryo. Her fingers were crossed, she tried to be calm as possible, but it was like her lungs were running out of air. With every second passed, it was getting harder to breathe and her stomach didn’t feel so good.  _ What am I supposed to say? What if he doesn’t remember me? _

After a long fifteen minutes, the cryo was opened. Alex held her breath.  _ Is he going to wake up soon? _

“His vitals are good. We are going to move him to medical section. It will be more comfortable for him and we can wait there until he wakes up,” T’challa said.

“Okay,” Steve replied. Tony and Alex just nodded.

* * *

It’s been almost an hour since they pulled James Barnes out from cryo tube. Alex and Tony were sitting in the waiting room. Steve was still standing, his eyes were watching Bucky’s room, just in case something bad happened. T’challa was standing near Bucky’s room, surrounded by some doctors.

“So, have you talk to him?” Alex whispered to her brother.

“Yeah, we did talk,” Tony paused, “It was a good talk,” he added.

“Oh, c’mon. Tell me more.”

“We’re good now, Lex. You don’t have to worry about me and Rogers. We won’t kill each other right now. I’ll tell you about it some other time. Just focus on your boyfriend, okay?”

“He’s not… ,” Alex stopped, she cleared her throat.  _ Why is it so hard to say? _

“Oh yes, he is, Lex. I’ll blast him off if he doesn’t remember you,” Tony said.

“You can not!”

“Kidding,” Tony grinned. Alex smiled a little to Tony.

“There it is. I’m waiting for that smile. Relax a little bit, sis. You’re too tense,” he said again.

“How do you expect me to relax on a time like this? Unbelievable,” Alex rolled her eyes.

Suddenly, one doctor came out and talked straight to his king. T’challa approached the three of them soon after and said that Barnes was awake. He remembered most of the thing happened the last time before he went asleep and he asked for Steve.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Stark. We have to do this slowly. One thing at a time,” T’challa said to Alex.

“I understand, Your Highness. I’ll be just right here,” Alex said. Tony held her shoulder tightly after T’challa left them. He took Steve to see his friend.

Alex took a deep breath. His brother was patting her back, trying to calm her down, something she needed right now.

“What if this doesn’t work, Tony?”

“It’s worth to try, Lex. I mean, I never tried BARF on anyone else, but it did help me… you know, dealing with  _ their _ death,” Tony replied, but then Alex noticed he clenched his fist.

“Tony,... if this is too hard for you, we can come back another time,” she paused, “I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard to do this. I know he… he killed them, and… ” Alex choked on her own words.

“Sssh, don’t say another word. I agreed to this, remember? I promise you to help him and that’s what we’ll do,” Tony said to his sister.

She nodded, “Thank you, Tony. I really owe you,” 

“Next time, stay away from a troubled man,” he grinned.

Alex chuckled, then she said again, “You haven’t found a better name, huh? BARF?”

Tony chuckled, “I never meant to publish it soon enough, so why bother?”

Alex scoffed before she asked, “I really need a cup of coffee, do you want?”

“Yes, please,” Tony replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts?


	6. Chapter 6

“Hi, Buck. How are you feeling?” Steve asked.

“Alive,” he replied with a smile. Bucky realized that he was awaken from his cryo sleep, again. Only this time, they did it with the right procedure and definitely without brainwashing him or gave him some order to kill. So, yeah, he felt so much better.  

“So, why bring me back?” he asked.

“We kinda find a way to recover your memories and help you deal with them. We want to give it a try,” Steve told his best friend.

“Really? How?”

“Uh, it’s Stark. He has this technology, I don’t really get how it works though, but he said it might be able to help” Steve felt embarrassed a little.

“Did you say ‘Stark’?” Bucky raised his eyebrow. It was hard to believe that the man, who tried to kill him and blast off his arm, was willingly to help this time.

“I know what you’re thinking. He _finally_ decided to help. Hey, it’s a good thing, Buck. It’s really worth to try,” Steve replied.

“Did you hit his head really hard?”

“No, of course not. Well, it’s not me. It’s… someone else. To be honest, I don’t exactly know how _she_ managed to make him agree to help you,” Steve said, then he cursed himself for what he just said.

“She? Who is this girl?”

“Uh, she’s here, actually. You’ll meet her soon,” Steve said.

“You just woke me up and now you want to introduce me to a girl? Unbelievable, punk. How do I look?”

“She’s a woman, Buck. She’s not that little. You look like a mess by the way,” Steve chuckled.

Bucky rolled his eyes then said, “Remind me to thank her for whatever she did to Stark,”.

Steve nodded and said, “Try to take some rest now, okay? I’ll see you again soon,”.

“Yeah, whatever you say,” Bucky chuckled and soon after Steve left his room.

Alex was enjoying her coffee when Steve approached her and Tony. Then she stood up, expecting that Steve would tell her something …. good.

“He’s… okay. I believe he’s sleeping now, he still look really tired,” Steve said to Alex.

Alex just nodded. She sat again with her brother, a little bit feeling disappointed because this far there’s still no sign he remembered her.

_Even though he remembers, he won’t expect me to be here anyway. He doesn’t even know who I really am._ She scoffed.

* * *

It was almost lunch time and T’challa invited his guests to join him in the dining hall. After the lunch, Tony discussed about the next step for Barnes with Steve and T’challa. Alex felt that they wouldn’t need her so she decided to leave the dining hall and heading to her room. But, she stopped her steps halfway and turn around to the medical bay. She wanted to see him.

Alex took a deep breath for several times. She could feel her legs and hands were shaking.

_Maybe this is a bad idea_ . She stopped again. _But it’s worth to try._ Alex walked again.

When she reached the med bay, she walked slowly to his room. In front of his door, she was too terrified to open the door. Her hands were shaking again and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Her heart was pounding.

She took another deep breath before finally push the door open. _Here goes nothing._

She walked in very slowly with her heart racing like never before. Finally she saw _him_. Her James. It was a little bit strange to see him without his metal arm, but everything still looked the same for her. His eyes were closed when Alex walked in, she thought he must be sleeping. She pulled a chair next to his bed as quiet as she could. It’s not like she didn’t expect him to wake up anytime soon, well, in fact, she didn’t even know what to expect right now.

Just before she managed to turn her body facing him, there was a low voice said, “Hello,”.

It made her jumped a little, then she turned her body around to face him.

“Uh, ... Hi,” Alex said with a forced smile on her face, "I didn't mean to wake you, sorry," she added.

He didn’t change a bit, Alex thought. But he looked weary, despite the fact that he’s been asleep for more than a year. At the moment, Alex couldn’t understand his gaze. She couldn’t guess whether he knew her or not.

“Are you the one who managed to persuade Stark to help me? Steve told me before,” Bucky asked.

“Uh, yeah. I believe I did,” Alex replied. _STEVE!_

“Thank you,” Bucky smiled.

“You deserve it, _James_ ” Alex said.

Bucky seemed surprised to be called by that name.

“I’m sorry, do you mind telling me your name?”

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos! You made my day! -xoxo-


	7. Chapter 7

_“I’m sorry, do you mind telling me your name?”_

And just like that, she stopped breathing for a second and Alex swore she could felt a crack on her heart. He did not remember her.

Sure, what they had in Bahrain was a brief moment, it was only eight months, but it meant a lot to her, and she believed that the James she knew also felt the same.

But this man was different. He’s Bucky Barnes, Steve’s best friend. The former Winter Soldier who fought and saved Captain America. This was not the man who was always looking his back. This man… he’s more confident now. But he was not the James she met in Bahrain.

“I’m Alex, nice to meet you,” Alex shook his hand, trying her best to hide the disappointment and heartbreak with the biggest smile she could make.

“The pleasure is mine,” Bucky said, “I supposed Alex is a short for... “

“Alexandra, and please, just call me Alex,” she replied.

“What a beautiful name you got there,” Bucky smiled.

“Thank you. Uh, do you need anything right now? Lunch, maybe? Or should I get Steve to keep you company?”

“Is it lunch time already?” Bucky shifted to adjust his position so he could sit better.

“Yeah, it is. I could get the nurse to bring you something,” Alex said.

“Please do. Thank you, Alex,” Bucky smiled again to her.

“I’ll be right back.”

Alex walked out and find a nurse was walking toward her with a tray filled with some healthy food.

“Ah, are those for Mr. Barnes?”

“Yes, they are, Miss,” the nurse replied.

“Let me take it from here. Thank you,” Alex threw a thin smile and walked back in. She carried it very carefully. James saw her and smiled.

“You certainly don’t have to do this, Alex,” he said.

“Well, this is the least I can do right now,” she smiled and put the tray on the over bed table.

“There you go, Mr. Barnes. Your lunch is served,” Alex made a gesture like a professional butler and it made him chuckled.

“They look delicious.”

“And healthy for sure,” Alex added. Suddenly she realized that it was too awkward to just stay there and watched him eat so she said, “Maybe I should come back later, when you’re finish,”.

“No, please don’t. Just stay. Tell me more about yourself,” James said.

_You already know it all, James._

“Okay,” Alex said while she took a seat on the chair next to his bed, “I was working for the UNICEF around four years ago, in Bahrain,” she paused just to see his reaction. It didn’t change at all.

“But I came back soon after the incident in DC and I stay in New York since,” she added.

“Oh, you mean, after what happened with ... SHIELD?”

“Uh huh.”

James felt he couldn’t look her in the eyes so he turned his head down, “I’m sorry,”.

“Hey, don’t be. I know it wasn’t you. I’m the one who should be sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up,” Alex felt like she wanted to bang her head to the wall.

James gave her a thin smile.

“Tell me more. How could you made Stark agree to help me? Last time I checked, he was very eager to kill me,” James scoffed.

“Well, I work with him now, with Steve, the Avengers. One time, I read your file, and as human as I can be, I pushed Stark to help you with his new invention,” Alex explained to him.

“Hmm. I feel like there’s more you’re not telling me,” James stared at her.

“Let's save it for another time, when you’re not lying on that bed,” Alex smiled

James chuckled and replied, "Well, I guess I need to get off this bed sooner than I thought,".

"Don't push your luck," Alex grinned then she noticed that he had finished his lunch.

“Are you done?” she asked and James nodded.

“Let me clean that up,” she said and picked the tray up and put it on the other table, then she pushed away the over bed table.

"Do you need anything else?"

"I'm good now," James smiled.

“Okay... Uh, I think I'll leave you to rest now. I’ll see you again soon, James.”

“Yeah, sure. Thank you once again, Alex.”

Alex nodded and left him afterward. She closed the door behind her and let out a long sigh. Her tears were almost spilled, but then she turned her head and saw Tony approached her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?  
> Thank you for reading, lovelies! -xoxo-


	8. Chapter 8

**[April, 2014 - New York City]**

The sound of the landing jet was filling the deck on Avengers Tower. Tony was standing near, he was more than eager to welcome the only passenger who was walking her way out from the jet right now.

“There she is!” Tony shouted and walked toward Alex. He immediately hugged her. She missed him too, it’s been two years since the last time they met. Tony was too busy being Iron Man then the Avenger. Alex understood why he rarely around when she got home. His brother is a superhero now. But she was so upset with him when he didn’t even care to attend her graduation. That was one of many reasons she decided to work far away from him.

“Explain everything, Tony,” she said after Tony released her.

“Later, Lex. Let me take you for dinner first. I want to know everything. How was Bahrain, hmm?” Tony replied with a wide smile on his face.

“Now! You pulled me straight from Bahrain and said that I have to quit my job, without any notice! So, I need to know why. I thought this was just temporary. So, start talking,” she insisted.

"You just arrived seconds ago and already yelling at me? I really love this family!," Tony said giggling, but Alex didn't response anything. She only gave him a death glare that implied for him to start talking or else.

He sighed, “C’mon, let’s talk inside.”

They both walked in and Tony took her to the mission control room. He asked JARVIS to playback all the news and any records regarding the incident happened.

“Everything you will hear and see from now on is classified,” Tony paused to see Alex reaction. She just nodded, so he said again, “I decided that you should work with me. Here, in the tower, with the Avengers,”.

“What?? Are you kidding me? Why would I do that?”

“I need you here, Lex. Why would you want to work overseas when you can help me here?"

"Oh, you know exactly why," Alex replied.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I wasn't there for your graduation. I'm not mom, and certainly not that old man. I got work to do," Tony tried to explain.

"Yeah, right," Alex rolled her eyes then she added, "You better give me a one good damn reason why I must stay here with you or I'm coming back to Bahrain,".

"Alex, c'mon. Why is it so hard to make you stay with me?"

"Bye, Tony," she walked away. She already made a plan on her head to get a flight to Bahrain the next day.

But then...

"HYDRA is still out there, Lex!” Tony raised his voice, then took a deep breath. Alex stopped and turned her body facing him.

“After they brought down SHIELD, why do you think they won’t hunt the Avengers down? And you… my dear sister, you’re too vulnerable to be out there, alone, really far away from here. How am I supposed to protect you?” he lowered his voice down again.

“I can’t risk it, Lex. I won't. I can’t lose you. It’s just you and me now. We need to stick together,” Tony added.

Alex stared at her brother. Deep down, she knew he was right. She was defenseless in Bahrain. She didn’t know how to use any weapon, she never learn about self-defense. She was grateful that she met the good part of James Buchanan Barnes, instead the Winter Soldier, because she would be dead by now. She thought that Tony would’ve got a heart attack if she told him about James. _No one needs to know, at least not now._

“Okay… I’ll stay. But I need a high salary raise. I work with danger here,” she smirked.

“Hey, can’t you see who are you talking too? Done!” Tony grinned.

“Now, tell me about this Winter Soldier. What do we know about him?”

"Are you sure you don't want to eat first? Cause I'm starving right now," Tony replied.

"Fine. Dinner first, then you gotta tell me everything."

"You got a deal!" Tony said happily.

 

* * *

**[Present Day - Wakanda]**

“There you are. I thought you were in your room,” Tony said.

“Yeah, I, uh, I changed my mind,” Alex replied.

Tony noticed that she was coming out from Barnes’ room, so he asked, “You've met him?”

Alex nodded but she didn't say anything so Tony asked, "Well?"

She froze for a while then she shook her head. Tony looked disappointed too.

“Come here," Tony pulled and hugged her. "So, ... Do you want to go home? Hmm? We could just fly straight home, Lex. We could come back another time. You don’t need to be around him for now,” Tony asked.

“No, Tony. We’ll stay. I’ll stay for him. We woke him, there’s no turning back. He needs your help, ” Alex said to her concerned brother.

“Are you sure? Or do you want me to punch him real hard to make him remember? Who knows… ”

Alex scoffed, “Why are you always use the hard way, Tony? And no, we stick to the plan. He remembered Steve once. He’ll remember me soon enough," Alex said confidently.

“You know, I hate to see you like this,” he said.

“I know. Now if you excuse me, I really need to go back to my room. I’ll be there if you need me,” Alex said, her voice began to tremble. She was going to walk away from Tony when he caught her hand. He recognized her tone so well, it was when she's too close to break down but chose to keep her head high instead.

“You don’t have to be this strong, Lex.”

Alex stared at him before she finally said, “I’m okay, Tony,”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to see Homecoming last night and it was AWESOME! Lots of easter eggs, so make sure you don't miss them :)  
> What do you think about this chapter?  
> Thank you for reading, lovelies! You're the best! -xoxo-


	9. Chapter 9

**[September, 2013 - Bahrain]**

Alex took a look at her watch, again, for a dozen time, maybe more.

She felt like she waited long enough.

An empty cup was on her hand. It was her sixth drink for the last four hours.

_Where the hell is he?_

“I’m sorry, Miss, but we are closing soon,” the waiter said to her.

“Oh, okay.”

Alex stood up and walked out from the cafe.

_Should I stay?_

She looked around and no sign of James will show up, so she decided to walk home.

She was disappointed.

_He better has a good reason!_

The next day, he didn’t show up too, even after her work hour was over. Alex immediately decided to go to his apartment.

She knocked, and knocked, and knocked. No answer.

She turned the knob, turned out it was unlocked.

Alex was surprised, then she took a peek inside.

“James?”

No answer. She walked in.

She checked on his belongings. Everything was still there. There was no sign of him leaving.

She went back to her apartment with questions filling her head.

She waited for the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that.

She waited for weeks.

Months.

But she never saw him again.

No letter, no goodbye, no explanation. It broke her heart.

_Have I done something wrong?_

She loved him, but now she hated him.

But… deep down she missed him too.

_Why, James?_

_Where are you?_

_Why did you left?_

Many questions remain unanswered.

Until she saw him again on the news, after her brother called.

There he was.

A fugitive...

Alex starred at the TV in an ultimate disbelief.

The man she loved killed Nick Fury and bring an end to SHIELD.

...

That was the day she _thought_  she lost him once and for all.

 

* * *

**[Present Day - Wakanda]**

Alex didn’t know exactly for how long she’s been asleep. Her pillow still felt a little bit wet. She rubbed her eyes and reach for her phone to see the clock. It’s almost 4pm. She was trying to open her eyes wider, but then she felt they were swelling.

_Shit!_

She ran toward the mirror, washing her face and gave the area beneath her eyes a light massage, trying to reduce the swollen, even though she knew it wouldn't took effect that much. 

_What else could you expect from crying too much, huh?_ She spoke to herself. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this. It would raise questions and she didn't want to say anything at the moment. She dried her hands and face with a towel then she stared at herself on the mirror. She pressed her hand against her chest and took a really deep breath. Her eyes felt wet again.

_Don't, please._

Suddenly there was a knock on her door, “Alex? You’re up?”

“Uh, just a second,” Alex was surprised and immediately wiped her face again. She practiced a smile in front of the mirror and when she felt ready, she walked toward the door and then opened it.

“Hi, Steve. What’s up?” Alex tried her best to fake a smile.

He stared at her for a second and Alex knew she was not good enough at hiding her sadness, not with those still swollen eyes.

“What? Something on my face?”

Steve sighed and said, “May I come in?”

“Yeah, sure,” Alex replied.

“Have a seat. Anywhere you want. Oh... I’m sorry, I forget to tell you that Ja… Bucky asked me to tell you that he wanted to rest, but I guess it’s too late now.”

“It’s okay. I was there before I came here. He’s awake, he said he wanted to walk around for a while. T’challa was with him,” Steve explained.

“Oh. Glad to hear it,” she replied.

Steve stared at her before he asked, “He doesn’t remember, huh?”

“Tony told you?”

“No. It’s written all over your face, Lex.”

“Oh. That obvious, huh? Oh, God… ” Alex cupped her own face.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Steve was reaching for both her hands, “It will be hard at first, believe me, I know. But be patient. He’ll recognize you soon, somehow,” Steve said, still holding her hands tightly.

“He better be,” Alex smirked.

“So, how are you, Lex?” Steve let loose his grip and Alex pulled her hands back.

She stared at Steve for a while before answering his question. _It’s been a year._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just heard about Joan Lee. So saddened by the news. My deepest condolences to Stan Lee and their daughter :(
> 
> ... and I hope I did something right with this chapter.  
> Like it? Hate it? Not emotional enough?  
> Tell me what you think, lovelies. Thank you for reading! -xoxo-


	10. Chapter 10

**[June 2016 - New Avengers Facility, Upstate New York]**

“For the past four years you've operated with unlimited power and no supervision. That's an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate. But I think we have a solution,” General Ross grab something from his assistant that looked like a book and put it on the table. Wanda reached for it.

“The Sokovia Accords. Approved by 117 countries. It states that the Avengers shall no longer be a private organization. Instead, they'll operate under the supervision of a United Nations panel, only when and if that panel deems it necessary,” the General added.

He also told the team that there would be a meeting in Vienna, three days ahead, to ratify the accord. He asked the team to talk about it, but he implied that everyone should sign, otherwise, they become the enemy of the state.

Alex saw his brother was very quiet that moment. She thought something must have happened at MIT, and she was right.

Tony met a lady, whose son was killed in Sokovia. Tony explained to the team that he thought that maybe the accord was a good idea, but Steve against it. The debate didn’t last too long since Steve suddenly stormed off from the room. Alex followed him immediately. She found him on the bottom of the stairs, looking so distress.

“Steve, is something happened?”

Steve looked up and saw her walking down the stairs.

“I’m sorry. It’s… Peggy. She’s gone,” Steve replied with a crack on his voice.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Steve,” she hugged him.

“I have to go to London for the funeral,” Steve said.

“Yeah, I know. Go ahead, I’ll tell the others,” Alex said. Steve was walking away but then he stopped.

“Alex, could you get Sam for me?”

“Yeah, sure,” she replied.

“And, uh, about the accord… “

“You won’t sign. I know. You have made yourself very clear up there,” Alex smiled.

Steve nodded, “I’ll see you again soon,”.

Little did they know, Steve won’t come back to New York, and when he left the compound with Sam, the team would never be the same.

[Three days later]

“More than 70 people have been injured. At least 12 are dead, including Wakanda's King T'Chaka. Officials have released a video of a suspect who they have identified as James Buchanan Barnes, the Winter Soldier. The infamous HYDRA agent, linked to numerous acts of terrorism and political assassinations,” said the reporter on TV.

Alex was watching the news with Wanda. There was an unspeakable horror on her face. 

_ That can’t be him. No. He won’t do that. What was he thinking??  _ Her mind was racing. She tried to get a better look for the video on the news, no matter how hard she denied it, the man looked exactly like James.

Wanda could hear clearly what Alex was thinking. She held her hand to calm her down. Alex looked at her, quietly whispering, “Please tell me that wasn’t him. Lie to me, Wanda,”. 

Wanda just stared at her with a very concerned look. She didn’t know what to say since the video on the news was clear enough. That face belongs none other than James Buchanan Barnes.

Soon after, Tony was going to flew straight to Berlin with Rhodey to aid the Joint Terrorism Task Force after Natasha warned him about what Steve would do. He would never stop until he find his long lost friend, with our without the help from his team. 

“Let me come with you, Tony!”

“No. You stay here with Wanda and Vision. End of discussion!”

“You know Steve was just trying to help and protect his best friend. He never stop looking for him, Tony, you know that.”

“He just made himself a criminal!” Tony sounded emotional. 

He took a deep breath and said, “Alex, listen, I don’t want to drag you into this… mess. I’m trying to make things right. So, I need you to stay here with Wanda, keep her out of trouble… “

Alex stared angrily at her brother, but then she said, “Fine! But promise me one thing,”.

“What?”

“Bring them home... Along with Barnes. He deserves a trial here,” Alex begged.

Tony shook his head and hugged his sister, “I can’t promise you anything, sorry,” the he walked away, leaving Alex frozen on the hangar, watching the jet flew away with her brother in it. She might never see Steve again, or Sam, or even James and that thought scared the shit out of her. She ran off to her room, turning on the TV for the whole day, waiting, …  just in case something came up.

* * *

Few days after, something did come up. It was a call from Tony. Alex picked it up but she refuse to say anything first.

“Alex, you’re there?” Tony asked but his sister remained silent.

“I, uh, I bet you already saw the news. I’m with Rhodey now. He… fell. They’re checking on him as we speak. I’m still unsure what was happened,” he paused. Still no response from Alex. She heard him. Her lips were trembling. She was angry, frustrated, heartbroken. She couldn’t believe the Avengers were falling apart, and now Steve also went missing with James.

“I’m sorry, Lex. I messed up,” Tony said again. Alex could sense that her brother was as disappointed as she was.

“Yeah, you all did,” she finally replied.

“I thought I was speaking to an answering machine,” Tony joked but that didn’t work on her, not right now. 

“How are you, sis?” he asked.

“Same as you, Tony,” she sighed.

“I will fix this, Lex. I promise you,” Tony said.

“Just… be safe out there, Tony,” that was the only word that came from her mouth.

“I will. I’ll see you soon,” Tony replied then he hung up.

Alex suddenly felt her heart ache. She realized she couldn’t do much. Half of the team were taken by the government as criminals. It was something unexpected, even Tony didn’t see it coming. 

_ James _ . That name still kept echoing in her mind. Steve did find him.  _ Good for him _ .  _ But where are they going? _ That was her question all over again. She wanted to see him, to touch him, to hold him again. She wanted to tell him that everything’s gonna be okay. 

Alex covered her face with her hands, after taking a very deep breath she started to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't mind with a short flashback. Thank you for reading and the kudos! You're the best!


	11. Chapter 11

**[Present Day - Wakanda]**

_ “So, how are you, Lex?” _

“You mean after your feud with Tony at the airport, and in Siberia. Then I found out that my parents were killed by the Winter Soldier himself. Then you went missing. But it turned out that His Majesty granted you and Bucky a safe place here?” she paused, “So far I feel fine, Steve,” she said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry,” Steve bow down his head.

“Yeah, me too. It was a hard time, for all of us,” Alex swore she wouldn’t be able to handle much more stress after what happened back then.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you anything about your parents.”

“Yeah. I read the letter you gave Tony. He was surprised, you know, and happy too, even though he didn’t want to admit it. He felt like you’re not forgotten him,” Alex smiled.

“So… How’s everyone?” she asked. 

“They’re all good. We are trying our best to lay low, prevent ourselves to cause more trouble,” Steve answered.

“Hey, how’s Wanda? Is she okay?” she asked.

“Oh yeah. She was asking about you too. She’s good. She lives with Clint now,” Steve told her.

“That’s great! So, Clint is back with his family? Good for him. I bet Laura was pissed when he got back?”

“Yeah, you can say so. But she was more than relieved to see him home.”

Alex smiled, “Uh, is there any news from Nat?”

“She didn’t contact you either?”

“Nope,” Alex shook her head, “But I think she’ll return someday. I bet Clint misses her too,”.

Steve remain silent for a moment before he finally said, “I still can’t believe that you know Bucky. You hid it too well, Lex, even from Tony,” Steve said.

“Wanda knew,” she grinned.

“No wonder you both grew closer since she joined us,” Steve smiled.

Alex chuckled, “Tell her I said ‘hi’, will you?”

“I will. Hey, do you want to join me for a walk? Consider it as a free tour and you can tell me how you managed to make your stubborn brother agreed to help Bucky,” Steve asked her.

Alex chuckled, “Have I look better?”

Steve took a moment to observe her face then she said, “Yeah, you look better now,” he smiled.

“Okay. Lead the way, Cap,” she smiled back.

“It’s better for you to bring the camera. You’ll thank me,” Steve said.

“Okay,” Alex rushed to her table to pick up the camera and walked out with Steve.

* * *

Steve took Alex to walk through the palace garden, which lead to the nearest forest. There’s a walking path so they won’t get lost inside the forest. Steve knew it would calm her down. Alex began to told him about the day Tony got back to the compound with Rhodey and Vision. Vision didn’t talk much that time, about the fighting or even about Wanda. He spent most of his time by playing chess, either by himself or with Alex or Rhodey, and reading, lots and lots of books. Even though Vision didn’t say anything about it, but Alex could guess that deep down, he missed Wanda.

“After you left, and so was the half of the team, it was drastically becoming more quiet at the compound. I need weeks to adjust myself. To be honest, I kinda hate most of you for leaving me there,” she chuckled and Steve just gave her a thin smile.

Then she began to tell Steve again about Tony. He was helping Rhodey to go through some therapy. He also made an exosuit prototype to help Rhodey walk again. Alex told Steve that she was having her first dinner together with Tony after he got back when he started to tell her everything happened in Berlin. 

“He told me that it was Sam who told him where you both were going. I asked him about what happened next. Tony didn’t answer it straight away, instead he asked me to join him in the workshop. He brought this video with a date on its side, 16th December 1991, written in Russian. He said that I need to see it by myself, and only after that he could told me about Siberia. I watched it, didn’t expect anything and obviously I wasn’t ready for what I was going to see that day,” Alex paused.

“I remembered that I was started to cry, really hard, and Tony was hugging me so tight. He kept whispering ‘I know, Lex. I know. Just let it out,’. The fact was he didn’t know exactly how confused I was. I mean, the man I once met and … loved, killed my parents. It wasn’t something you’ll find out everyday,” Alex scoffed.

Steve felt his heart sank in.

“He was so mad at you, you know, even after he got home. But he still keep your shield. It’s still lying there on his workshop. Sometimes, I saw him staring at it, for quite a long time. He missed you, Steve. He missed all of you, only his ego was too big to admit it,” Alex smiled and Steve scoffed.

“So, after I found out about my parents, Tony told me about Siberia. He only said that the three of you fought, but you beat him in the end. Later on, my curiosity beat me so I hacked his suit record. I watched the whole fight. I looked away many times. I just couldn’t believe what I saw. My brother really intended to kill James and I saw how hard you defended him.”

“The next days I did some research on the data Tony brought from Siberia. Soon I found out he was brainwashed. Over and over again. HYDRA documented it every single time. They woke him up solely for a mission. When the mission was done, they put him back to sleep. It’s been going on and on for years. I couldn’t even watch it all. But one thing I know for sure was James is not guilty. So I planned on telling Tony about that, which I knew, won’t be easy.”

Alex and Steve walked far enough until they reach the river. Steve sat on a bench there and Alex walked around to take some pictures. She could heard various type of birds were singing, it made her smile. She took a deep breath and could felt the fresh air filling her lungs. 

“I begin to like it here,” Alex smiled, admiring the view lied in front of her.

“Yeah. The view is always amazing, right?” Steve replied.

Alex sat on the edge of the river, she put her feet on the water.

“Careful, Lex,” Steve warned her.

“I can swim, Steve,” Alex smirked.

“Have anyone told you that you got a little bit resemblance with Tony?”

“Nope. Maybe just like a hundred times,” Alex said with the camera still covering her face.

Steve scoffed. He was so sure he heard that tone once.

“So, anyway, as anyone could predicted, Tony was furious when I asked him to help James. We had arguments and it didn’t end well,” Alex added.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts?


	12. Chapter 12

**[July, 2016 - New Avengers Facility, Upstate New York]**

“Tony, can I talk to you?” Alex asked her brother who was modifying his armor suit at the workshop.

“Hey, Lex. C’mon in,” Tony replied. He put down his tools soon after.

“I need to ask you something,” Alex said. At that point, she was still unsure if she had to tell him about her previous relationship with James.

“What is it?”

“Your new invention, BARF, it is designed to help someone to deal with their traumatic memory, right?”

“You can say so.”

“I was wondering, if… we can use it… on Barnes,” Alex was so scared to look at his eyes. She only stared at her shoes, waiting for Tony to say something.

“Do you realize what you’re just saying?”

Alex nodded.

“Okay, let me ask you this. ARE YOU DRUNK?” suddenly he raised his voice and made her jumped.

“No, I’m not drunk, Tony, unfortunately I’m sober enough to talk to you right now.”

“THEN YOU KNOW MY ANSWER IS NO!”

“But, Tony, please hear me out. He was br…” --- “STOP!” Tony cut her and took a deep breath.

“What makes you think I would help him, huh? Do I need to remind you what he had done? All those crime he committed? Oh sure, he didn’t bomb the UN. But what about those countless murders before?? And do I need to remind you that he killed mom and dad?”

“But… “ --- “Why on earth you want to help him???”

“He’s innocent! He’s brainwashed and ordered to kill,” Alex felt like she could lost her temper anytime but tried to remain calm as long as possible.

“I DON’T CARE!”

“How can you be so ignorant??”

“Me? Ignorant? IT IS YOU WHO IGNORE THE FACT THAT HE KILLED OUR PARENTS!”

“UNDER HYDRA’S ORDER!” Alex began to replied his brother with shouting too.

“BUT HE DID IT, LEX!”

“IT WAS BECAUSE HE COULDN’T CONTROL HIMSELF!” 

Tony scoffed and shook his head, still trying to digest everything his sister said, and out of nowhere, suddenly he laughed, “Now I get it. You were too little when they died. You didn’t feel what I felt,” Tony scoffed. 

Alex immediately knew she wouldn’t like where this conversation will go, then Tony said again, “No wonder you don’t really care about them. Even now I’m not really sure if you ever love them. I can’t believe how easy for you, to ask me, to help their killer!”

Alex felt her blood was boiling inside. “You know that’s not true,” her lips were trembling when she said that.

“THEN WHY???”

“I know him! Okay?!”

Tony lift his head up, facing her, “Sorry, you know him  _ how exactly _ ?”

Alex took a deep breath, now she really got to tell him everything, “I… met him, when I was working in Bahrain. He  _ saved _ me, Tony, from some asshole who wanted to assault me. The man who killed our parents couldn’t be the same as the man who saved me that night, Tony. Please understand this,” Alex begged, she felt like she wanted to cry but she was trying so hard to resist it.

“It was just one time, Lex!”

“No. We met again several times. He was…  _ normal _ . He never showed any violence tendency, Tony. There’s got to be an explanation for that,”

“He’s a cold blooded killer, of course he’s good at hiding his dark side,” Tony scoffed.

“I LOVE HIM!”

“Sorry, what?” Tony looked shocked.

“We were together. We loved each other, Tony.”

“That’s enough. I can’t hear another word from you.”

“But, Tony… “ --- “Get out! Now!”

 

* * *

 

**[Present Day - Wakanda]**

Alex felt her sight was getting blurry because her eyes were covered in tears. She wiped them immediately. Then she said, “We ended up not talking to each other for… I don’t know exactly how long, but it felt like almost a month.”

“Really? Wow,” Steve was surprised.

“Yeah. Can you imagine it? Me and Tony, at the compound, and not talking to each other. It made me felt so alone. He still got Rhodey, but me? I chose to hit the gym more than ever. Gotta keep my body to move, made me easier to sleep at night,” Alex sighed.

“One day, he knocked on my room, something I didn’t expect at all. He said he’s sorry, can you believe that?” Alex scoffed then said, ”We began to talk again, then he asked me to explain everything I found on HYDRA archive. I show him the videos, all of them. How they woke him up, the brainwashing, gave him order to kill, then put him back on cryo which happened many, many times… ” Alex paused to clear her throat then said again, “In the end, even though it was hard for him, he accepted all my theory anyway. Then I asked him about the BARF and its possibility to help James. He hesitated at first since it was only ever tested on him, but then we decided to give it a try, after he perfected the design and the program,”.

“Tell me, Steve. Have I become a bad sister? Have I disappointed my parents?”

“I don’t think I have the rights to answer that, Lex,” Steve replied.

“C’mon, Steve. Just tell me what you think.”

“Well, I think, even though sometimes I can find Tony’s nature in you, there’s this… kindness, something I couldn’t find straight away in Tony or Howard. I guess it comes down from your mother and I think you should be proud of it,” Steve answered.

“Thank you, Steve,” Alex smiled.

“We have to go back, it’s getting dark. C’mon,” Steve said and gave Alex a hand to help her stood up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tadaa...


	13. Chapter 13

Once Steve and Alex were back, they were they met by one of T'Challa assistant. She said that the king was expecting them in the meeting room. She took them there and immediately met by T'Challa and Tony who were still talking in front of the meeting room. It seemed that both of them were engaged in a serious conversation, until they realized Steve and Alex were approaching.

“Ah, my friends. Right on time. Please come inside,” T'Challa was allowing his guests to enter the meeting room before he did.

“I’m sorry, Your Highness, but I thought Mr. Barnes was with you,” Alex said.

“Yes, we walked for a while before he asked to return to his room to rest. He was still recovering, but in a good condition. I already asked him to be move to the chamber next to Mr. Rogers. He might feel better there than if he has to stay in the medical wing,” T'Challa explained.

“Oh. Thank you for your concern, Your Highness,” Alex replied.

“It’s my pleasure, Ms. Stark. Now, let’s get to an important point why we’re all here. I talked to Mr. Stark before and we agree to begin the procedure for Mr. Barnes the day after tomorrow,” T'Challa told them straight to the point.

“Mr. Stark initially wanted to start tomorrow, but the doctors disagree. They were afraid that it might trigger some negative response from his body since he was just awaken this morning. We’ll let him rest for another day then after that, Mr. Stark could do his part. We will provide our best doctor and psychologist to attend the whole the process. Now I believe Mr. Stark has a further explanation about the procedure.”

“Thank you, Your Highness. I assume we have to ask him to explore one memory at the time because I’m afraid if he’s not focus on just one, it will overwhelm him and it can’t be good. Once he’s done with one then we can move on to the next. I can’t predict how long it will take because it will fully depends on Barnes, how he react to it. It’s gonna be his choice on which memory he wants to open. The program will monitor his vitals and body chemicals, so if he’s about to snap, we’ll know,” Tony ended his explanation but the room kept quiet, “Any question?”

“How about security?”

“I guess that’s our part, Rogers,” Tony said.

“Yes. Along with my bodyguards. We will have this procedure in a safe room. It will put everybody away from harm,” T'Challa added Tony’s answer.

“I also want to inform you that I’ve made an arm prototype for Mr. Barnes, made from vibranium, so I suppose it will be more light and easy to use, also it will last longer than the last time. But first, let’s see where this memory therapy will take us, then we can decide whether Mr. Barnes deserves this vibranium arm or not. But in the meantime, I already prepared another arm replacement for him, so we could install it on Mr. Barnes tomorrow. It’s not a good thing to let him walk around with just one arm, … made people look,” T’Challa told them.

“That’s very kind of you, Your Highness. I understand your concern. Thank you,” Steve replied.

Alex thought the same as Steve but she remain silent which made the king asked her, “Ms. Stark. Is there anything you want to ask?”

“Uh, no, Your Highness. I believe you and my brother have made yourselves very clear at this point,” Alex replied.

“Very well. The dinner is going to be served soon. Shall we proceed to the dining hall?” T'Challa asked and all of them immediately stood up.

“Ah, Ms. Stark. Could you please ask Mr. Barnes to join us?” T'Challa asked Alex with a smile.

“Of course, Your Highness,” Alex replied without any hesitation.

“Don’t get lost!” Tony said to his sister a moment after she left the meeting room.

 

* * *

Alex felt nervous before she knocked on James’ door, but it wasn’t like when she was going to met him earlier.

“James? Are you awake?” Alex asked while she opened the door slowly. Right away she noticed he was standing facing the window.

“Hi, Alex,” he greeted her.

“It’s dark outside. What are you looking at?”

“C’mere. Let me show you,” James made a gesture for Alex to join him. She walked toward him, curiously. Once she stood next to him, he whispered, “There,” his finger was pointing to the sky. Alex found a clear night sky, decorated by lots and lots of stars. 

“Wow. It’s beautiful,” Alex said, amazed by the view.

“I know, right,” James smiled seeing her reaction, then he asked, “So, what brings you here?”

“Oh, it’s dinner time. C’mon. Everybody is waiting for us,” Alex walked by him to the door. 

“Is… Tony Stark gonna be there?”

“Uh, yes, he’s already there, James,” Alex replied.

“I don’t think I should come with you,” James said.

She walked to him again, “I know you’re … not comfortable around him yet. It’s okay. But he’s here to help, believe me. Don’t worry. Besides, you really need to eat something proper, something less healthy but better than your lunch,” Alex convinced him.

James scoffed and stared at her for a while. Alex caught by his eyes and she swore that those blue eyes are able to take her breath away, every single time.

“Okay,” James finally replied and followed her to the dining hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any question? :)


	14. Chapter 14

“What took you so long?” Tony, who was standing outside the dining hall, asked her sister once he saw her approaching.

“Why? Do I starve you?” Alex said.

“Watch your tone, young lady,” Tony said and Alex just laugh at him.

Tony noticed Barnes was walking behind her. Alex whispered to Tony, “Be nice,” then she entered the dining hall.

“Stark,” Barnes greeted her.

“Barnes,” Tony glanced over to what’s left of his metal arm, “Sorry for that,”.

“Yeah, me too, and … thank you for coming here,” Barnes replied.

Tony nodded then they both walked in together. Alex let out a slight relieved sigh knowing his brother didn’t do anything stupid to her James.

 _My James_ . Alex scoffed quietly because it sounded ridiculous. He didn’t even remember her. _Why bother claiming that he’s mine?_

“How are you feeling, Mr. Barnes?” T'Challa asked.

“Better, Your Highness. Thank you,” Bucky replied politely.

“That’s good. I believe we’re all starving, so shall we?” T'Challa said and they all began to eat. T'Challa told them about his ancestor, how her mother died giving birth to him, and he mentioned about his step-sister too, named Shuri. The King also told them about the _Dora Milaje_ , his all-female personal bodyguards. He said that they are the best recruit from every tribe in Wakanda. Before King T’Chaka ruled Wakanda, _Dora Milaje_ used to be seen as an assemble of potential queens to the King. That purpose was removed under the King’s order.

After dinner, T’challa invited Tony to see more of the R&D department, something which Tony won’t say no to. They left the dining hall soon after, leaving Alex with Steve and Bucky. Alex thought the two man must have a lot to talk to, so she left them and heading back to her room.

 

* * *

 

Alex closed the door and let go a long sigh. She thought that it was lucky that T’Challa didn’t call her ‘Ms. Stark’ when they had dinner, or she would have to explain it to James. The last thing she wanted right now is for him to feel uncomfortable around her. Although she realized that one day he would figure that out by himself or she had to tell him.

She was just lying on the bed for five minutes when she heard a knock on her door. She growled since she felt so tired. Every inch of her body including her brain were in desperate need of sleep. But she stood up anyway and opened the door.

“James?!”

“Sorry, is this a bad time?”

“Uh, no, not at all,” Alex replied, she searched for Steve but couldn’t find him, “Where’s Steve?”

“One of T’Challa assistant called him to R&D section. I thought that it’s not cool to wander off the palace all by myself, so… I thought you want to take a night walk with me,” James smiled after he explained to her.

“Yeah, sure, why not? Let me get my jacket first,” Alex replied. She grabbed her jacket that was lying on the couch then walked out with James.

 

* * *

 

“So, how well do you know this palace?” Alex asked when they stroll around inside the palace. James said there’s another garden on the back side of the palace, that’s where they heading to.

“Not that good actually. I was here for one day then I put myself back in cryo sleep,” James grinned.

Alex scoffed, “What if we get lost?”

James chuckled, “No, we won’t, Lex, trust me.”

“If you say so,” Alex replied.

“Anything you want to tell me?” James asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You said earlier that you’ll tell me more about yourself when I’m not lying on the bed,” James said.

“Oh. I’m not expecting you to remember,” Alex chuckled.

“I could only talk to very few people here, Lex, of course I remember everything, and, uh, I’m also a super spy,” James said and put a wide smile on his face. It made her laugh. They reached a wide door before Alex could say anything. There’s a sign said ‘Library’ on the door, written in Wakandan and English.

“I think we should go in here,” Alex said and she push the door. She took a peek inside and saw no one else so she opened the door wider. It was a little smaller than New York City library.

“Do you like to read, James?” Alex asked, making her way in to the library.

“Only the good one,” James answered.

“I think we could find something good here,” Alex said. She kept on walking, exploring every row, searching for the collection in English and then she found it.

“This way, James,” she said as quiet as possible. James came to her soon after.

“Find anything good?” she asked after he’s scanning the row for a while.

“Uh, this one,” he said then he grabbed one book by himself.

“Do you want to read it here? But I believe the King won’t mind if we take out some books,” Alex said, it made James chuckled.

“What if he decide to put us in prison?” James replied.

“Then you stuck with me,” Alex smirked then she pull out two books from the shelf.

“I can see you’re not afraid of me,” James said, walking side by side with Alex to the nearest reading desk.

“Why should I?” Alex scoffed while putting the books on the desk and pulling herself a chair.

“Let me see. I’m a fugitive, convicted for treason, murder, terrorism, and many other things I believe. Also, I’m a HYDRA assassin. That’s a lot of reasons, Lex,” James said.

Alex scoffed, “You know, you really should stop seeing yourself that way, James. You’re nothing like they said. It’s HYDRA’s fault. They made you do those terrible things and you had absolutely no control on your action,”.

James gave her a thin smile but he said nothing, instead he started to read the book in front of him. Alex felt she said something right. She smiled when he didn’t notice and started to read too. There was a calming silence between them, sometimes they could hear the sound of some nocturnal animals out there. It made James feel he was very far from the outside world and with Alex presence, somehow he felt like he could live for another day.

Alex, on the other hand, felt like she should tell him about who she really is. She didn’t want him to know from anybody else. Her true identity was something she should tell him a long time ago. She couldn’t lie anymore to him. He deserves the truth.

“James?”

“Hmm?”

“I want to tell you something,” Alex said in a really low voice.

“Okay,” James closed his book to pay attention to her.

“There’s a reason why I could convince Stark to help you. I’m not just his employee. You see, Tony … he’s my brother.”

His jaw dropped instantly. He tried to find some words to say to her. Alex only stared at him. Her gaze implied her begging him to forgive her, not to mad to her. While James found it’s hard to believe that this woman, whose parents was killed by his own hands, sitting in front of him, willingly to help, further more, this was her idea. He thought, what kind of daughter who wants to help her parents’ murderer?

“I’m sorry I didn’t told you straight away, because you just woke up, I didn’t want to upset you and I thought you won’t talk to me if I told you,” Alex explained.

“I… But, … Why? You know what I’ve done. I killed y…,” James couldn’t continue.

“I know, James. I know... But like I said, it wasn’t you. I never blame you for their death,” Alex said.

James still stared at her in disbelief. The guilt overwhelmed him again.

“James… Say something.”

“I, …, uh… I think I want to go back to my room. I’m sorry. I’m really tired right now,” and just like that, he suddenly ran out. Alex called out his name several times, her voice echoed through the library, but it didn’t stop him.

Alex took a moment alone in the library. Regret and relief was filling her up. James might not remember her yet but at least now he knows who she really is. Alex returned the books to where she picked them from then return to her room. _It’s been a long day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ba Dum Tss...  
> What do you think, lovelies? Still following this story?  
> I hope I didn't ruin it.  
> Thank you for reading!  
> Really appreciate the kudos and comments :)


	15. Chapter 15

“Hey, wake up!” Tony threw one of the pillow to Alex’s face, it made her straight awake.

“What the fuck?” she found Tony was sitting on the other side of the bed.

“Barnes gonna get a new arm, don’t you want to see it?” 

“Nope. I love this bed, it’s better than we have in the compound,” Alex said and she covered herself with the blanket again.

“Yeah right, I don’t buy it,” Tony said, “Hey, look at me,” he pulled the blanket. 

Alex growled, “What???”

Tony took a close attention to his sister’s face, he raised his eyebrow, “Did something happen?”

“What do you think exactly?”

“I don’t know. You don’t look so well.”

“When did you become so observant?”

“Let me see. I think since my sister used to date a super assassin  _ slash _  fugitive behind my back,” Tony replied without hesitation.

“Nothing happened, okay?! I’m fine. I’m just gonna stay here for another minutes then I’ll take a walk outside, making friends with mother nature,” she gave him a sarcastic smile.

“Fine, whatever you say, sis,” Tony stood up and before he walked out, he said added, “FYI, Barnes didn’t look so good either this morning. I think he’s been up all night,” then he closed the door.

Alex just stared blankly at the door, then she curled up on the bed, covering every inch of her body with the blanket. Just when she thought she felt guilty enough for last night, she felt even worse this morning.  _ What have you done, Lex? _

 

* * *

 

An hour later, Alex was already sitting in the back garden accompanied by a stack of books. She visited the library earlier, only this time she met a librarian there. Alex thought she was nice and she gave Alex some reading recommendation. She told Alex a bit about the library, turned out it was as old as the palace itself. There are some old collection too but it’s restricted to Wakandan only, most of them are consist more detail on the history, the finding of vibranium and its early usage. She did mention about T’Challa sister, named Shuri, if Alex wasn’t misheard it, she is the person in charge for vibranium-based weapon development in Wakanda right now. Perhaps Alex would meet her one day, the librarian said. Alex promised her to return the book as soon as she’s done with them, but the librarian told her to take her time.

The weather today was really friendly, even though the sun was shining bright, but most of the times the clouds hid it, making the temperature a bit cooler. Alex was clearly feeling too comfortable to be alone in the garden right now. It allowed her to escape from her own thoughts which mostly about James. There weren’t a lot of people walking around on the back side of the palace. Only sometimes she could hear the children running around, in and out the garden. They didn’t pay much attention to a stranger sitting there.

Alex was reading her third book when a little boy came to her and handing her a beautiful blooming flower, though she wasn’t so sure what kind of flower it is. She thank him and he pointed to the man leaning on the wall not far from there.

Alex chuckled and the child ran away giggling. She stood up, the man came to her.

“Did you just bribe a toddler to give me this?” Alex asked.

“Yeah. I thought I didn’t have the courage to do it myself.”

"And why is that?"

"Hmmph. I don't know. Afraid of rejection, I supposed," James chuckled.

“You really are a womanizer, James,"

"Steve?"

"Yeah, he told me some stories, the pre-war Bucky," Alex grinned.

"You shouldn't listen to him."

Alex chuckled and said, "How could I? Those were good stories."

James didn't say anything, he just smiled to her.

“So... I see your arm is back. How does it feel?” Alex noticed it was made almost similar to the previous one, along with the signature red star.

“Complete,” he chuckled, “I was expecting you to be there when they put this on.”

“I’m sorry. I slept longer than I expected,” she replied but she knew he didn’t believe it, “And I thought you didn’t want to see me after last night,” she added.

James scoffed, “I shouldn’t leave you last night. I’m sorry,”.

“Don't be. You didn’t do anything wrong, it was more like a… normal reaction. What could I expect?”

James smiled and asked, “Do you mind if I join you?”

“Nope, not at all,” Alex replied with a wide smile on her face then they sat together. Alex felt a little bit of the James she once knew was there. She knew exactly that this man sitting in front of her is the same person who kissed her back in Bahrain. She would do anything to feel that tender kiss again, to feel his arms wrap around her body and feel his heartbeat near to hers. Alex intended to stay no matter for how long, and she just made a promise to never let him slip away again.

Little did she knew, James already felt something in him, this... familiar feeling when he was with her. Her smile, the way she talk... he was so sure he'd seen it before, somewhere. 

James tried to remember but nothing came up, ... yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?  
> Thank you for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

T’Challa didn’t join his guests for dinner that night, probably because he had another matter to be taken care of some place else. His assistant didn’t told them the specific reason so they could only guess.

The royal chef always change the menu for every meal. This is Alex’s third night in Wakanda and she always got to taste different menu each time. It really boosted up her appetite. Alex realized that she must get some exercise as soon as possible if she didn’t want to gain weight significantly during her stay in Wakanda.

“You know, Lex, I’ve never seen you working out since we got here,” Tony suddenly said to his sister, it was like he could read her mind.

Alex’s face was blushing red, “I know, Tony, thanks for pointing that out and in case you didn’t notice, I haven’t got the time,”. She could hear Steve chuckled but James just smile a bit.

“Or you’re just too busy sunbathing, reading some old books,” Tony added and he grinned.

“So you’re spying on me now?” Alex replied.

“Not really, but it’s not that hard to find you,” Tony smirked then he turned to Barnes and asked, “How do you like your new arm, frosty?”

“Frosty? Really?” Alex was surprised his brother already came up with a nickname for James.

Barnes himself didn’t impress at all with his new nickname but replied anyway, “It’s working well,”.

“Good then. Don’t make me blast it off again,” Tony teased him but soon he got a death stare from Alex which made Tony stopped giggling.

“Well, I’m done here,” Tony said standing up, “Now, if you excuse me, I gotta go check some equipment for tomorrow,”. 

“Can’t you do it tomorrow?” Alex asked.

“You know me, Lex. I have to tinker something or I’m gonna go nuts,” Tony replied and he walked out from the dining hall. 

Once Tony was far enough, Steve asked, “How is he and Pepper?”

“Oh, well, they’ve met recently. Tony said they’re getting better, but Pepper still refuse to move in again,” Alex replied.

“Maybe she needs more time,” Steve said.

“Yeah, we thought so too,” Alex replied, “Well, I have to return my books to the library now. Big day tomorrow. Rest well all of you,” Alex said to Steve and James. Both of them nodded.

Alex headed to her room to get the books first, then she walked straight to the library. It’s still 8pm but the palace was quiet already, not many activity left as much as Alex could see. The loudest sound heard was coming from the jungle around. Alex wondered if she could explore the jungle someday.  _ Sounds interesting. _

She opened the library and found nobody there. The librarian must had left already. She put the books on her desk and write a ‘Thank you’ note on a piece of paper then she walked out. She closed the door slowly and turned her body around to walk away. But she bumped into a man who was standing in front of her.

She jumped in surprise and her back hit the library door. She muttered a not so loud, “Shit!” then she looked up to the man’s face.

“James! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” Alex protested, her palm pressed against her chest. She could feel her heartbeat was racing. James chuckled a little but stopped it once he looked at her almost pale face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” then he laughed a little, “Sorry, couldn’t help it,”.

“I’m glad you find this amusing,” Alex said, “What are you doing here? Sneaking up on me like that?”

“I didn’t sneak up on you. I just got here when you closed that door,” James replied.

“What a coincidence then,” Alex said sarcastically, “So, do you need anything?”

“I wonder if you want to walk around with me. It’s too early to hit the bed.”

“Okay. But you have to promise not to leave me again,” Alex teased him.

“I promise, Lex,” James smiled.

 

* * *

 

“So… How do you feel about tomorrow?”

“Afraid, maybe. But a little bit excited too,”

“What are you afraid of?”

“It’s just… Uh, this whole memory thing, … never worked really well on me. I’m afraid it might trigger something. Something bad. I don’t want to hurt anyone, Lex,”

“We already think everything through. I think you’re gonna be okay, James,” Alex said, she stroke his arm gently.

“I hope so,” he smiled.

They reached the main garden and the moonlight shined bright along with stars across the night sky. They sat on the patio, facing the fountain in the center of the garden. The wind blew lightly and the sound of the jungle added some mystical ambience around them.

“If you’re given the chance, do you want to live here?” James asked.

“Hmm. Let’s see… I’m not really sure exactly. I mean, New York is always been my home. No matter how far I go, I will always come back. I admit that this part of Wakanda is beautiful and breath-taking, this place really is something new for me. But to live here,... I need to think twice,” Alex chuckled softly, “How about you?”

“Well, I’m safe here, so why not?” he scoffed.

Alex gave him a thin smile, but suddenly she felt a twitch in her heart. She realized that even if he remembers everything and getting better, she couldn’t bring him home yet. They need to clear his name first, which God knows how. 

She took a deep breath.  _ One step at a time, Lex _ .

Alex took a glance at the man in front of her. James was looking up, leaning back on his chair, enjoying the view of the night sky. Alex never saw him this calm when they were in Bahrain. He always seemed so tense. Then she thought, maybe he belongs just right here. T’Challa understand his condition well enough and even without a question provide him a protection from the outside world, keeping him hidden this whole time. Alex began to wonder if she was too selfish to come here, put everything and everyone on risk of being caught by General Ross.

Alex was so lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t realize that James was staring at her too.

“Penny for your thoughts?” James asked and snapped her back to reality.

Alex scoffed, “Sorry, I was just… stargazing,”.

“I can see that,” James chuckled, “Tell me about your work. You said you work with your brother and the Avengers,”.

“Uuh, I usually handle the team’s financial, Tony.. he was like my boss. But you can say that I was their assistant too, and I think I did pretty well to make sure everyone meets their needs. Also, I like organizing things and that made me their event organizer. Tony really loved to throw a birthday party for the team,” Alex smiled, reminiscing the good time before the catastrophe General Ross brought upon them. 

“That sounds fun,” James replied.

“It  _ was _ . I miss those times. Everything seemed, … perfect,” Alex said and James didn’t say anything, he just stared at her, wondering what it was like to have your dearest friends fought each other and then scattered across the world, which happened because he couldn’t control his own brain.

Alex watched his facial expression was changing, then she said, “I never blamed you or Steve for whatever happened to them, thought you should know,”.

James smiled, “As long I can’t control what’s in here,” he said, pointing a finger to his temple, “People tend to get hurt,”.

“That’s why I’m here, James,” Alex reached for his hand and held it tightly.

There was a silence between them before finally James smiled and said, “Thank you, Alexandra,”.

Alex replied him with a nod and a smile on her face, but God knows how much Alex loved it when he called her that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if the story goes very slow...  
> Do you want me to speed it up?


	17. Chapter 17

Alex watched nervously from behind the thick glass that separated the two rooms while Tony prepared the BARF on Bucky in the other side, but she was still able to hear their conversation through the speaker, together with T’Challa and Steve. The psychologist and the doctor were also ready in another room, just in case they were needed.

“God, you’re so tense, Barnes. Relax a bit, will ya?” Tony said when he put the BARF glasses on him.

Bucky didn’t say anything, he just took a long deep breath.

“Comfortable?” Tony asked and Bucky just nodded. He glanced over to Steve then Alex. Anyone could see that he was anxious too. Alex found it’s a little weird though, seeing him with a glasses, it made him look... less threatening.

_“The one advantage of using BARF is we won’t need much equipment around and the last thing we want is for him to feel stress out,”_ Tony explained to his sister and Steve earlier. That’s why the therapy room was made as comfortable as possible. There was one couch where Bucky was sitting, and Tony was sitting at the desk across the room with the digital monitor projected from his phone. The color white dominated the room.

“All set up, Boss,” FRIDAY announced.

“Good!,” Tony turned to Bucky, “Okay, Frosty. I need you to take a deep breath, again, and after that, try to picture one memory, _just_ _one_ , and focus on it. You’ll see how this thing works from there.”

Bucky was about to close his eyes when Tony said again, “Uh, try to choose a less troubled memory first, okay? And please remain calm, no need to rush, we have all the time in the world.”

Bucky finally closed his eyes and soon after there was a projection of his memory filling up the room. There was a boy with a little girl, Alex assumed the boy was Bucky but she couldn’t guess who the little girl is.

_Young Bucky reached for the girl and hugged her._

_“You’ll be okay. This is for the best,” he said._

_“I don’t want to go,” the girl still crying._

_“Sssh, it’s okay, Becca. You’ll have a better life there. There’s nothing left for you here. Off you go,” James let her go but she held his hand even tighter._

_“No! I want to stay, Buck! Don’t send me away!”_ \--- Tony watched the monitor as Bucky’s heartbeat was increasing, Alex was getting worried but Tony saw her, making a gesture to remain calm, implying that he got everything under control. Bucky seemed struggle to remain calm as he watched his own memories in front of him.

_“You have to! Now let me go!” Bucky shouted and startled the girl._

_Then a woman took her away from him. The girl screamed harder, her hand reaching for James’ but there’s nothing he could do._

Bucky roughly took off the glasses and the memory projection soon disappeared. He wiped his eyes.

“That was a… good choice,” Tony said. Alex felt the urge to slap his brother head once she heard it.

“What is your intention, Stark?” Bucky barked at Tony. He knew that Bucky was too overwhelmed by the memory.

“You see, my device here allows you to do something about that memory. Something you wish you had done, to say something you wanted to say, to do something else. It doesn’t change the reality, but it makes you possible to… make peace, … with your own memory,” Tony explained as simple and as calm as he can be.

“Shall we try again?” Tony asked after a moment of silence. Bucky nodded. He put on the glasses, then the memory was projected once again.

_“You’ll be okay. This is for the best,” he said._

_“I don’t want to go,” the girl crying._

_“Hey, look at me,” James said, wiping away the tears from her cheeks, “We’ll see each other again. I promise. Now you be a good girl and study hard, okay? You have the whole future lies in front of you, Beck. Don't you wanna make mom and dad proud?,” he said. The girl nodded and smiled. She hugged him once again before she walked away and waved to him._

“That’s it,” Tony said. Bucky took off the glasses again and handed it to Tony.

“You did well, Barnes,” Tony gave him a thin smile.

“Are we done here?” Barnes asked with a trembling voice.

“Yeah, we’re done.”

Bucky stormed off the room. He ignored everyone else’s presence and ran through the palace corridor. Alex tried to follow him but Steve caught her.

“Let him go. He needs some time alone,” Steve said.

“Who was she?”

“His sister. She was sent to boarding school and they never see each other again since. He never mentioned her before?”

Alex shook her head and suddenly it came to her realization that she might didn’t know most of his stories after all.

 

* * *

 

Finally Tony walked out from the therapy room with Steve and T’Challa.  Alex was already outside, she didn’t come back in after Steve left her, getting lost in her own mind. The three men parted ways soon after. Alex could’ve guess that Steve must be worried for his friend, so he was heading to the guests room and the King, he went in a hurry, there must be a problem somewhere else.

“So, what do you think?” Tony eyed for his sister, pride implied on his voice.

“You both did well, Tony. Thank you,” Alex smiled.

Tony grinned but then he took a better look on her, “Are you okay?”

“Hmm?” Alex stared blankly for a moment, “I don’t know exactly what I feel right now. Everything is mixed up. But I’ll be okay. I always will,” she forced a smile on her face.

Tony stared at his sister, he looked concerned.

“I’ll be fine,” Alex added.

“Yeah. I know you will. You’re strong. Like me. Like mom,” Tony said encouraging his sister.

Alex smiled, that was the best thing she heard today and the fact that it came from her own brother add more deeper meaning for her.

“I know I can always count on you,” Alex smiled and hugged her brother.

“Are you kidding me? I’m your brother, of course you can always count on me,” Tony replied, it made Alex chuckled softly.

“When is the next session?” Alex asked once he let her go.

“We certainly don’t want his brain to explode, so I think we’re gonna give him another day off tomorrow, then we’ll try it again the day after that,” Tony explained.

“Yeah, we wouldn’t want that,” Alex smiled.

“I wonder, how much longer can you stay here? Aren’t you feel bored? There’s not much to do here. I even think to go home for a few days,” Tony asked.

Alex chuckled, “I thought you would never complain, Tony. How about... you stay for another four days, until the third test, I supposed. Then you can go home, running the company again, catch up with Pepper, maybe. In the meantime, leave BARF and the therapy to me, I know how to use it,” she suggested.

“Yeah, there’s no doubt about it, but are you sure? You can come home with me, Lex. Just for a few days, a week. Barnes will be safe here, beside, Steve and T’Challa can take care of him.”

“You made it sounds like he’s still a baby,” Alex laughed a little then she sighed, “I know what I’m doing, Tony. I lost him once, I don’t want to experience it all over again. What if I come home then General Ross find out what we’re doing? He won’t let us go, you know how persistent he can be,”.

“Fine. I’ll stay until the third test. I’ll fly home after and come back as soon as I can,” Tony replied.

Alex nodded, then Tony’s phone suddenly rang. He reached for it inside his pocket and picked the phone up. From what Alex heard, it was from the office, asking him something about the latest shipment of Stark product to Japan. It seemed there was a problem with the product. Alex made a sign to him that she better leave and Tony mouthed “I’ll see you later”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think, lovelies?


	18. Chapter 18

“I never thought that I still had that piece of memory in me,” Bucky said to Steve. They were in Bucky’s room. Bucky was standing, facing the mini garden outside. Steve was sitting on the couch near him.

“I wonder if she’s still alive,” he added.

“You know the possibility, Buck,” Steve paused to look at Bucky’s reaction, then he added, “I could ask Stark to look for her, if you want,” Steve replied.

Bucky turned his head facing him, “Yeah, that would be nice, Steve,”.

Bucky scoffed, “I bet mom and dad would be really piss at me. I didn’t take good care after her. You know I never saw her again since she left. She must be really mad at me,”.

“She went to a boarding school, Buck, at least there was a chance that her life would be much better than ours,” Steve said.

“I really hope so.”

“Don’t you worry too much, Buck. You know Becca, she’s smart and stronger than any of us,”.

Bucky nodded, then he stared outside again. Some thick clouds began to hide the sun, it looked like it was going to rain anytime soon.

“I think I’m gonna leave you now. Do you need anything else?”

“Nah, I’m good, Steve. Thanks, Pal,” Bucky patted Steve’s shoulder.

“No problem,” Steve said then he walked out from the room.

Bucky sighed, his head felt heavy, so he headed for the bed. He thought a few minutes sleep would help him feel better. He closed his eyes and his mind drifted far away, to Becca. He tried to remember his whole family. He searched deep in his mind, wondering if he still had another piece of memory of his old life… and there it was.

He remembered when they’re having dinner, four of them, Steve was there too. It was thanksgiving. Everyone looked so happy. Before they ate, each of them took turn to say what they were thankful for. James saw the memory like he was watching a movie. It brought a smile upon his face. He didn’t get so lost after all.

It began to rain outside and the sound was very relaxing. Soon after, he managed to fall asleep.

 

* * *

It was pouring all day in Wakanda. Alex was planning on running through the forest, unfortunately she had to cancel due to the heavy rain. In the end, she spent most of her time in her room, watching TV, and reading books. The librarian made sure she would never ran out of readings here.

She noticed that Bucky missed the lunch, and now dinner. Steve said maybe he still refused to leave his room, said he needed more time, to clear off his head and get some rest. He already made sure that someone brought the meal to Bucky's room, no one wanted to find him starving in the morning. Steve also said that Bucky experienced a minor headache and asked Tony if that had anything to do with BARF. Tony said it did, since this is his first time using it suggested him to take a painkiller if he couldn’t take it. 

“He’s a big boy, Lex. No need to worry that much,” Tony said.

Alex didn’t give him any response, she just kept on eating her lunch, feeling helpless. She was just a stranger for him right now, so no need to step out of the line.

“Hey, Lex…,” Tony called for his sister.

“Hmm?”

“Where’s your phone?”

“In my room, why?”

“I just added one contact in there. You might wanna call that number, and don’t worry, it’s encrypted, no one can trace it,” Tony said.

“Why would I want to do that? And whose number is that?”

“Clint,” Steve said, smiling.

A wide smile appeared on Alex’s face instantly.

“I can do that? I’m allowed to call him? Really?”

Tony nodded.

“I already told them you’d call,” Steve said.

“Oh my God, thank you! You both really are the best! I’m done, by the way. See you guys tomorrow,” Alex immediately ran off to her room and grabbed her phone.

She was looking for the new contact Tony added. Once she found it, she dialled the number.

“Alex?” Clint voiced echoed through the phone.

“CLINT! HOW ARE YOU? HOW’S LAURA? OH MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE I CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE AGAIN! OH, AND WANDA, HOW’S SHE?”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down, kid. Are you trying to make my ear bleed?” Clint laughed then said, “We’re all good here. Wanda is playing with the kids now, they always love her tricks,” Clint chuckled, “So, you’re in Wakanda now? How’s your life?”

“Yeah, I’m in Wakanda right now. It was never the same since you all left,” Alex replied, “But I’m really glad that you’re back to your family,” she added.

“Me too, kid. Laura nearly killed me when I got back,” he laughed. On the distant Alex could hear Laura’s voice, asking if it was her who called.

“Yes, honey, this is Alex,” Clint answered his wife, “She said hi,”.

“Tell her I miss her cooking,” Alex replied happily.

“I will,” Clint paused for a moment then he asked, “How’s your boyfriend?”

Alex scoffed, “Steve told you?”

“No, he didn’t say anything. Wanda did, once Steve told us that you came to Wakanda too,”.

“Oh. He’s not my boyfriend, Clint. He didn’t even remember me,” Alex said.

“I guess he didn’t remember a lot. Give him time, okay? Don’t put the blame on yourself.”

“I’m trying. Thank you for that.”

“I’m giving the phone to Wanda, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. It’s really good to hear your voice again, Clint.”

“Me too. Hold on. I’ll get Wanda.”

Soon after, Alex could hear her voice, “Alex?”

“WANDAAAA!”

“Oh my God, it’s really you! How are you? How’s Wakanda?”

“I’m good now, and Wakanda, well, this place is something, it was raining all day today, and... I think this place makes me healthier,” Alex chuckled, “Gosh, I owe big to my brother and Steve this time. I miss you so, so much!”

Wanda laughed, “I miss you too, Lex. So, have you met _him_? How’s he?”

“Well, he’s in good shape. We tried the memory therapy for the first time this morning. He managed to remember his sister, which I never knew existed, until today. But he hasn’t remember anything about me yet.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry, Lex. I wish I could do something to help.”

“No, no, it’s okay. I already prepared for this, but I never thought that it could be so frustrating,” Alex groaned, “Okay, enough about me. How’s your new life there? Do you like it in the farm? Are you really safe there?”

“We’re all safe and sound. I really like it here, Lex. It’s good to have a… _normal_ family. I get to help Laura with the housework. It’s fun, and the kids, they make me feel like I’m their big sister,” Wanda laughed.

“I’m happy to hear it, Wan. How’s the little one? Nathaniel?”

“Oh, he’s adorable. He could be a handful sometimes, but I wouldn’t wish it the other way.”

“It seems like you have the best time there.”

“I do, Lex. You know, Clint never stop renovating the house here and there. It drives Laura crazy,” Wanda laughed.

“Seriously? I thought he said once that he wouldn’t do that again. I remembered he said that he’s satisfied with his work already.”

“I know, but he did it anyway,” Wanda chuckled softly before she asked again, “Um Lex… How’s Vis?”

“I thought you never asked,” Alex chuckled, “He still doesn’t really get the idea of walls and doors, but we keep working on it, and… he misses you for sure. Sometimes I saw him staring into your room for a couple minutes, I couldn’t guess what he was thinking though, and for the rest of the day, he often helped Tony in the lab and accompany Rhodey to his therapy. Oh, and you know what, I still couldn’t beat him in chess.” Alex laughed and Wanda chuckled again.

“Thank you for telling me that, Lex. I miss him too.”

“We all miss each other, Wan. Sam… Nat… I wonder what would Bruce and Thor say if they ever see us like this.”

“Thor might didn’t know what happened, Lex. He’s really far from here. But, Banner? I wonder why he never showed up. I mean, the news all over the world must’ve had cover what happened in Leipzig.”

“I thought so too, Wan. But after the last Hulk incident, I always think he would never want the world to know his whereabouts anymore.”

“Yeah, you got the point,” Wanda replied.

Then Alex told her how Tony reacted when she first told him about Bucky. Wanda said that it was pretty clear that he would be furious. Wanda told her that Clint was quite surprised when he found out Tony was heading to Wakanda and he was wondering why would Tony bring his sister along.

“That was when I thought I should tell him about you and Bucky. I really hope that you’re not mad at me, Lex,” Wanda said, afraid that she would disappoint Alex.

“No, no. It’s perfectly fine, Wanda. Beside, I always thought that everyone would find out, eventually,” Alex replied.

They talked for an hour before Wanda said that Laura needed her help. Alex promised to give her a call again someday. Wanda handed the phone over to Clint, just in case he wanted to say another words. Clint only advised Alex to take good care of herself and stay away from trouble.

“Can’t live without ‘em, Clint,” Alex said, considering that her life was turning into a roller coaster ride since Bucky left her and made her worked with the Avengers.

Clint scoffed before he said, “Talk to you again later, kid,”.

“Bye, Clint.”

Alex hung up. She felt like some of the weight upon her shoulder had been lifted. She sighed and threw herself onto the bed. She put her headset and play her music playlist on her phone. It was enough distracted her mind from Bucky for a night. Something Alex might needed since she arrived in Wakanda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a good day for MARVEL fandom...  
> *cough* the leaked infinity war trailer *cough*  
> I'm sorry for the late update. I hope this chapter is good enough.  
> Thank you for reading! -xoxo-


	19. Chapter 19

“James… Wake up,” Alex whispered, stroking his right hand gently.

“Hmm?” he replied shortly, eyes still closed.

“James… “ Alex began to lose her patience, not that she didn’t like being this close to him, with his hand wrapped around her waist. 

“Five more minutes,” he mumbled.

“You can sleep for another five hours, but you gotta let me go,” Alex chuckled. But instead of responding, he held her tighter.

“Oh, c’mon. I need to go to work! I’m gonna be late,” Alex trying harder to let herself go, but damn, the man was really strong.

“Take a day off,” Bucky whispered in her ear.

“You know I can’t. I have an important meeting today,” Alex replied. 

“Then I’m not letting go,” Bucky said, smiling.

Then suddenly, some men were knocked off the door and breaking into their room. Alex screamed and they snatched her away. James tried so hard to fight them, but then he saw a man was pointing a gun to Alex’s head. She was crying and looked really pale.

The man warned him to stop or he already know what’s going to happen. Bucky knew that he was Russian based on his thick accent. The other men are locals.

“Don’t,” James begged, letting another two men grabbed and brought him to his knees, then they cuffed his hands.

“We won’t let you run again, Soldier. Do you think there will be no consequences?” the Russian man spoke to him. 

Bucky didn't response. His eyes were fixated on Alex.

The Russian smirked and without any warning, he shot Alex, right in the chest.

Bucky screamed when he saw her lifeless body fell to the floor. He called for her and tried to reach her but it seemed that he lost his strength. Then one man holding him hit his back head with a gun. The hit was hard enough to make Bucky felt dizzy. Slowly, the world around him turned black.

 

* * *

 

 

Bucky was jolted awake and panting. His heart was pounding hard with his hand was clenching on his chest. Tears rolled down on his cheeks. 

“What the fuck?” he muttered under his breath, still trying to calm himself down.

He covered his face with both hands, trying to shake away the horrid image from his head. Her painful screaming... The pool of blood after they shot her…

Bucky stood up. He walked circling his room. It all felt too surreal. The next thing he knew, he was heading to Alex room, still barefooted. He knocked on her room, he didn’t care if he would wake anyone, he needed to know if she’s safe.

Alex finally opened the door. She felt irritated at first, wondering who the hell knocked frantically on her door at 4am. But it all changed when she saw Bucky with his eyes wide open and irregular breathing.

“James, what happened??” Alex knew something was very wrong.

He stormed into her room, his hand searching for any sign of wound across her body. It made her confused as hell. Alex tried to reach his hands and once she held them, she asked, “What is it, James?”

She stared deeply into his eyes, then she knew that look. He was scared. He must’ve had a nightmare.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here,” Bucky said, ignoring her gaze.

“Come here,” Alex lead him to the couch. She told him to sit down while Alex pour him a glass of water. Once Bucky finished his drink, Alex returned the glass to its place and sat with him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex asked. She didn’t want to push him, just like she usually did back in Bahrain.

“I had a nightmare... ,” Bucky paused.

Alex waiting patiently for him to speak again, but he stood up.

“It was just a stupid nightmare. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here,”. Bucky was about to leave her room when Alex suddenly asked, “Did they hurt me?”

Bucky stopped. He turn his head to Alex.

“I was there, right? In your dream? You wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t,” Alex paused to approach him.

“You can talk to me, James,” she stroke his right arm gently. He recognized her touch, it felt exactly the same like in his dream.

“HYDRA. They found me. I was with you, I have no idea why,” Bucky paused. He squeezed the bridge of his nose.

“They shot you, I couldn’t do anything, everything happened so fast,” he shook his head. Alex saw his lips trembled.

It was the same kind of dream all over again. One thing that kept bothering him at night since they were together was the image of Alex getting hurt, again and again. Alex knew this so well. How he often woke up at night, sweating and panting.

She reached gently for his cheek and lift his head so their eyes met.

“Where are we, James?”

Her question confused him, but he answer anyway, “Uh, Wakanda?”

“That’s right and you once said to me that you’re safe here. I also believe that you’re considering to stay,” Alex smirked, knowing he would listen to her.

She sighed and said, “What I’m trying to say is… It was just a dream. Nothing can hurt you, or me. You saw with your own eyes the King’s guard. They are more than able to keep us safe. My only theory is the nightmare probably triggered by the therapy you had lately. If you want, we don’t have to do it today. Maybe we should give your body and mind more time to recover. What do you think?”

Alex noticed his expression was becoming less tense than the moment he barged into her room.

“I think I would love that,” he put a thin smile on his face.

“Okay. Now, I suggest you go back to your room and get more sleep. You really need that. Also…. ,” Alex took a look at his feet and pointing to them, “Do you need my slippers?” she grinned.

Bucky didn’t know he still could do it after having a nightmare, but he laughed, “It won’t fit, Lex,”.

“Yeah, I thought so too,” she chuckled.

“I should go now,” Bucky said. He walked away with a smile on his face. Alex walked him to the door, and right before she closed it, Bucky uttered a ‘thank you’ for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I hate my limited vocabulary :(  
> I hope this is okay, lovelies. Thank you for reading -xoxo-


	20. Chapter 20

The first thing Alex did after she woke up was looking for T’Challa and told him to cancel today’s therapy session for Bucky. She only told him that Bucky had nightmare, without giving him any detail, and T’Challa agreed with her. Now that her today’s schedule had been empty, she thought that she had to find another activity to kill some time.

It’s been almost a week since Tony flew back to New York. Funny thing is Alex already missed him. Alex asked him to bring her favorite chocolate once he got back to Wakanda which was still TBD. Alex was having breakfast when Tony called her.

“I left New York for just a week and everything is already on fire,” Tony said on the phone.

“You’re just being dramatic, Tony,” Alex scoffed.

“Are you eating right now? How’s everything going over there?”

“It’s 9am, so yeah, I’m having my breakfast, and I got everything under control. Except we have to cancel today’s session. He had a nightmare, a really bad one. I decided to give him another day off. I had my theory that BARF caused it, but is it possible?”

“Nonsense. BARF can only awaken the memory he knows he has. He remember his sister, his torture, his… killings, that’s what BARF projected. The nightmare must be triggered by something else. Maybe it’s a part of his memory that haven’t been found yet.”

“Yeah? Well, he said that he saw me dead but I’m still talking to you.”

Tony didn’t response. Alex was waiting for him to say something, but nothing came up.

“Tony? You’re there? Hello?”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, ... maybe he’s beginning to develop some feelings for you, and that... might bring him closer to remember you. I mean, it’s possible.”

Alex scoffed, “Don’t do that. You’re joking, right? It’s a mean joke, Tony,”.

“I am dead serious. Congratulation, sis. You might have to tell him the truth sooner than you thought. Okay, I think I gotta go now, bye!” Tony quickly hung up before Alex couldn’t say anything.

_What the hell is he doing at 2am?_

That was the first thing she thought after she put down her phone, but then her mind drifted away to the possibilities of Bucky finally able to remember her. She didn’t want to get her hope too high. She knew how hurt it would be if things didn’t work out the way she planned it to be. Not long after, Steve and Bucky’s footsteps brought her back to reality.

“Good morning, boys,” Alex greeted them.

“Good morning,” Steve and Bucky said almost at the same time.

“Why do you like to eat alone?” Steve asked.

“Huh?”

“You could’ve ask me or Bucky to accompany you.”

“Well, I did knock. But then I heard a really loud snore from your room. Like, anyone could hear it from a mile away. So I decided not to wake you up.”

Steve face turned red, he knew deep inside he never snored. Steve almost believed it but then he noticed that Alex held a laughter,  “You’re lying,”.

Alex bursted into laughter, “You should see your face,”. Bucky couldn’t help but laughed too.

“I see my friends are having a good time in this beautiful morning,” T’Challa said when he walked into the dining hall. The three of them immediately stood up.

“Please, have a seat. I don’t want to interrupt you. I only want to say, since all of us no longer have something to do, I think I would like to show you another part of Wakanda.”

“That is a great idea, Your Highness,” Steve replied.

“Please, you all can call me by name, I wouldn’t mind. You’re my guests, but also my friends,” he said with a really friendly tone.

“Oh, before I forget, you might need some extra clothes for later. We’ll leave at 10.30. Please, enjoy your breakfast,” he added.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think, lovelies.  
> Thank you!


	21. Chapter 21

T’Challa flew the chopper himself and took them to Mount Wakanda. He told them that he had a small cabin near the waterfall and said that one day, if they wanted, they could spent a night or two over there. After they arrived and put their belongings in the cabin, they spent some time to walk around the jungle with T’Challa as their guide. He took a chance to tell a brief history of Wakanda.

“We protect our nation, our vibranium, well enough from the outside, but it is the threats from the inside that concern me most. No matter how just the previous King acted, it seemed never enough for some tribes.”

“Apparently, it does happen to all kingdom,” he added with a thin smile on his face.

After a 4 mile walk around, they finally got the chance to take a dip in the crystal clear pool beneath the waterfall. Alex could only last 10 minutes, the water wasn’t that cold but the wind blew pretty hard which enough to make her body shaking.

“C’mon, Lex. It’s not that cold,” Steve said.

“It’s the super-soldier serum talking, Steve and no, thank you. I still want to live for another day,” Alex grinned. She was still sitting near the pool with a thick towel wrapped around her body.

“Maybe you should try to stay in the water much longer, Ms. Stark. Let your body get used to the temperature. It could be very refreshing,” T’Challa said.

“I appreciate your offer, T’Challa, but I stand by what I said.”

“No, you are not,” Bucky said and suddenly he easily carried Alex in his arm and threw her in the pool. Alex was so surprised, she didn’t get the chance to fight or scream before her body dropped into the water.

“Buck!” Steve shouted to his friend, clearly he didn’t think that his friend would do something like that, then he went over to Alex, to see if she’s okay.

“I’m gonna kill you in your sleep, James,” Alex said seriously after her head finally popped out of the water. T’Challa just smile widely and as gentleman as Steve tried to be, he couldn’t help himself to chuckle.

“You may try,” Bucky replied with a big grin on his face.

Alex could feel a warm sensation in her heart once she saw his smile. Because, despite the fact that he just had a terrible nightmare, this little change of routine turned out had its effect on Bucky. It was better to see him this way. Alex remembered when they were still in Bahrain, once Bucky had a nightmare, he would refuse to talk to her. Over and over Alex had to convince him that they both were safe until he was able to get over his nightmare.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, my friends, but it’s getting dark and we should immediately go back to the palace,” T’Challa said after looking at his watch.

Steve stepped out of the pool, followed by Alex. Bucky offered his hand to help her.

“Don’t pull me, please,” he chuckled.

“Another time, James, another time,” Alex smirked. Bucky pulled her out and handing her another towel. Alex covered her body and walked with him back to the cabin. T’Challa and Steve already a few steps ahead of them.

“I’m glad you’re okay, James, you know, after what happened this morning,” Alex said.

Bucky just smiled to her and said, “I really hope you didn’t get offended,”.

“Why should I?”

“Well, you know, we just met, but I already had this bad dream about you,” Bucky said, there was some guilt there on his voice.

Alex chuckled, “It’s okay, James. I didn’t intend to take it seriously,”. Bucky replied her with another smile.

With only a few steps to the cabin, Alex quickened her steps, she really needed to change her clothes since it began to feel a little bit colder than before. Once everyone was ready to leave, T’Challa fired up the chopper and they flew home to the palace.

 

* * *

 

When they arrived at the palace, T’Challa asked Bucky if he was able to continue the therapy for the next day, because he needed to inform the psychologist and the doctor, but he added that he didn’t mind at all if Bucky wasn’t ready yet. Bucky said yes since he already felt better, then thanked the King for today.

“I assume we’re all tired, so I’ll have your dinner to be served in your room. Good night, my friends. Rest well,” T’Challa said before he left them, heading to his chamber.

“I know that you both won’t feel tired even just a bit,” Alex chuckle.

“Yeah, you can blame the serum,” Steve replied.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you again tomorrow, boys. I had a great time today. Good night,” Alex said and waved them goodbye, then she headed to her room.

“You okay, Buck?” Steve asked after Alex no longer visible to them.

“Yeah,” Bucky nodded.

Back in his own room, Bucky decided to hit the shower. His dinner was served not long after he walked out from the bathroom. Bucky felt to lay down for a while before having his dinner. He’s not even tired, and although he was hungry, something else was distracting him, his head felt heavy. Ever since he had that nightmare, every time he got the chance to close his eyes, there was some memories that came flashing back. He didn’t want to shake it off, instead he was trying to get a clearer image of those memories.

Alex was there with him.

Someplace else, definitely not in Wakanda.

It felt like he’s been there before.

He guessed it was Middle east.

He knew Alex mentioned something about Middle East once.

She worked there.

 

Bucky didn’t realize that he already fell asleep, but those memories fragment kept playing inside his mind. He thought that he must be dreaming.

Bahrain.

Alex was talking to him.

_“I’m Alexandra, everyone calls me Alex.”_

They’ve met before.

 

_“You are my mess and I don’t even mind.”_

He felt her touch again.

 

He knew her.

 

Bucky opened his eyes, couldn’t believe what he just realized.

_Shit! She’s here._

He ran toward the door, he felt the urge to see her immediately. But then he stopped. The guilt took him over. He couldn’t ignore the one fact that he killed Alex’s parents, the girl he ~~once~~ still loved… He couldn’t face her. He had no courage to talk to her, not now. He needed more time to think straight.

 

_What the hell am I thinking?_


	22. Chapter 22

Alex was already in the therapy room, waiting for Bucky, when Steve came in and with a heavy heart, he told her that Bucky went missing. No message, no notes, nothing. They couldn’t find him anywhere in the palace. Alex lost her strength and if Steve didn’t catch her, she must have fell down to the floor.

T’Challa explained that the security surveillance did catch a glimpse of him leaving the palace at dawn, he brought nothing with him, but that’s it. Once he’s out there, it would be harder to track him. T’Challa did his best to look for him.

“He can’t be that far. Someone must have seen him if he’s heading to the city, but I also predict that he will be heading to the jungle. That won’t be a smart move, even for a former spy like him,” T’Challa said.

Alex was too shocked to say anything, she just remain silent, wondering what could have happened last night that made him left the palace, his safe place. Was it possible for him to turn into the soldier without any trigger? Was it a nightmare? Alex could only guess, nothing was certain at this moment. Bucky supposed to be smart enough to know that everyone would search for him, so why bother ran?

“Is there any possibilities of intruders?”

“We didn’t find anything, Ms. Stark. It seemed that he did act on his own,” T’Challa explained.

Alex wiped the tears that slowly rolled down her cheek, she didn’t realize that she cried already.

“We’ll find him, Lex,” Steve said, stroking her back gently.

“We have to, Steve,” Alex replied with a breaking voice.

“Let me take you to your room, c’mon,” Steve said.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Alex asked T’Challa.

“As much as you want to find him, I have to ask you to stay in the palace, Ms. Stark. Captain Rogers and I will do our best to find him. I assure you once we find him or anything that leads to him, you will be the first to know,” T’Challa replied. Alex just nodded and slowly walk back to her room with Steve.

 

* * *

 

“I strongly suggest you to come home, Lex,” Tony sounded concern on the phone.

Alex scoffed, “You know I can’t do that,”.

“You can’t or you won’t?”

“What’s the point, Tony?”

“The point is I hate to see you torturing yourself for that guy.”

“I’m not…,” Alex cleared her throat, she felt like she wanted to cry again, “I’m not torturing myself and I do this because I want to. He needs me, and vice versa,”.

“God, how can you be so damn stubborn? You can look for another dozen of men who are way better than him.”

“I know. But I want him.”

“Okay, stop it right there. I can’t believe I have this argument with you. I’ll be there ASAP.”

“You don’t have to come here.”

“Don’t you miss your big brother? A ah, don’t answer that. I’ll just pretend you do. So, I’ll take the jet as soon as I can and fly there. Okay?”

“Fine, whatever. I won’t be going anywhere,” Alex replied.

“Hey, Sis... I really hope they find him soon. But if they don’t, don’t you worry too much. He can take care of himself.”

“Thank you, Tony.”

“Gotta go now. Bye, Lex.”

Alex put down the phone on the table next to her. It’s almost dark, she watched the sun slowly faded away from the mini garden on her room. There was still no news from T’Challa or Steve. Alex didn’t touch her lunch at all, hell, she didn’t even care to look at it. Her mind was racing, still guessing about whatever might happened with him last night.

_What was his plan? Ran away from Wakanda? But why?_

She couldn’t seem to find a right answer and it made her angrier than ever. She’s angry that she couldn’t say whatever she wanted to say to him, angry because she had to sit down all day, doing nothing, not knowing his whereabouts, angry because of the fact that he was able to do something so stupid, God knows why, but most of all, she was angry because she loved and missed him so much but he didn’t even know and now he’s gone again. Her heart began to ache more and it’s getting harder to breathe. She took a very deep breath, but as a release, she began to shed another tears.

A few hours later, Alex was told by one of the maid that Steve and T’Challa had returned. She watched them from afar as they walked through the main hall. They looked exhausted, but there was no Bucky. She knew they failed to bring him back so she immediately returned to her room. Steve spotted her but felt guilty once he saw her walked away in a rush. T’Challa gave his team and Steve a short briefing on tomorrow. They planned on began the search at dawn.

“The longer he stay out there, I’m afraid that either he's already out of reach or something bad happens to him,” T’Challa said.

Once T’Challa dismissed the team, Steve decided that he needed to clean up first before he went to see Alex.

 

* * *

 

Steve knocked on Alex's room but there was no answer. At first he thought that Alex was sleeping already, but then he heard a noise from inside, like a glass knocked over something. He tried to open the door, turned out it was unlocked. Once he walked into her room, Steve found Alex sitting at her desk, with a glass of liquor on her hand. He saw a bottle of vodka which wasn’t there this morning and now it was almost empty. Steve sighed, it was really hard for him to see her like this. He knew that Alex wasn't an alcoholic and she would never touch any of it unless she needed something badly to distract her from her own mind. As long as he knew her, Steve only saw her drunk once, but he never knew the reason why she did that. She only talked to Wanda when it happened.

“Alex…“

“What? Say whatever you want to say, I don’t care,” she refused to look at him and took another sip from her glass.

“You really need to stop it.”

“Do you have a better solution than this? I don’t think so, Rogers,”. Alex was struggling to stand and Steve immediately caught her before she fell down.

“Just sit down, before you hurt yourself,” Steve said after helping her back on her seat, “This is not a solution, Lex,” he added. He kneeled down in front of her and he could tell that she’s been crying a lot.

“Sshh, stop talking. If you got nothing important to say, just go.”

“Why? So you can finish up the bottle all by yourself?” Steve sighed, “Hey, listen to me, Bucky was reckless to run like this, I admit it. But that doesn’t mean that you have to punish yourself like this. C’mon, you can do better than this,”.

“I just want him to remember. Why is it so hard to ask?” she asked. There was a pile of frustration implied in her voice. Unexpectedly, she started to sob. She covered her face with both her palms. Steve gently pulled her into his arms and hugged her.

"I'm not that strong, Steve. I can't...," Alex cried harder.

“Sssh, I know, Lex. I know,” he stroke her back, letting her cried as long as she needed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, please don't hate me...


	23. Chapter 23

Bucky was still running, from the first time he set foot outside the palace, he kept on running. Although it seemed like forever, but no matter how far, he felt like he kept coming back to the same spot. Wakandan jungle clearly kept anyone from coming in and out without permission. His body started to give up, but it’s nothing compared to the pain he felt inside.

He got no one to blame but himself. This voice inside his brain kept saying that he didn’t belong with her, not after what he had done. He thought himself as a monster. He didn’t deserve her love, not anymore. How could she be with a man who killed her own parents? She deserved better than him.  

But he couldn’t deny that it hurt him to walk away from her like this. He could feel an endless sharp pain in his chest, making him difficult to catch a breath. He remembered everything, especially when HYDRA brought him back from Bahrain. He didn’t get the chance to warn her or say goodbye, no, why even bother to have hope for it? HYDRA did what they did best; they just snatched him from outside his apartment that night and made him forget, again.

**[September 2013 - Bahrain]**

Bucky knew something was off the minute he walked out from his apartment. He checked his surrounding, it was too quiet. He waited for another ten minutes but nothing came up. _Maybe it was just his feeling,_ he thought for himself. He walked a few steps further, his mind turned to the girl who was waiting for him at their favorite café. He couldn’t wait to see her. She just came back from a business trip for five days. He didn’t realize that he was smiling. All it took was fifteen minutes walk to the café and then he would see her again.

Seconds later, he stopped. It was too late to run. Some armed men surrounded him from any direction. He put his guard up and just when he felt he was ready to fight them, a man in suit walked toward him with a video footage played on his tablet.

“Before you start to kill my men, I believe you want to see this first, Soldier,” he showed him the video then he said again, “My men are waiting for her outside. Do you want us to get her here? Maybe she can keep you company for the next days,” he smirked.

Bucky stared at the video in horror. He wouldn’t let them dragged her into this mess. He knew exactly what they would do to her and it scared the shit out of him.

“Answer me, Soldier.”

“No.”

“Good. We have an important mission for you. You will make HYDRA rise again.”

“I need to know she’s safe.”

“Oh, you’re negotiating now? Say another word and I’ll have my men to kill her on sight,” the agent locked his eyes on Bucky. His rage toward the agent was piling up at the moment but Bucky knew that it was better for both him and Alex if he just kept his mouth shut and did what they told him to do.

“You won’t even remember her when we’re done with you, Soldier. You have my word. Now, let’s get back to work.”

The agent turn around and suddenly Bucky felt a hard hit on the back of his head. He fell to the ground but still conscious. Just when he tried to stand up, a man came to him and he could feel that he was injecting something on his neck then he fell asleep.

The next thing Bucky knew, he woke up with his wrist and ankle were tied up on his seat. He saw the doctors were preparing the machine which he recognized too well. Just one switch; that was all they needed to wipe his memories again. Bucky saw the agent nodded his head then the doctor could begin the procedure. Seconds before the excruciating pain hit him, he tried his best to imagine her sweet smile and silently bid Alex farewell.

 

* * *

 

Bucky opened his eyes when he felt the warmth of the sun hit him right in his face. He must’ve fallen asleep. With all the strength he got left, he stood up to walk again. He was planning to keep looking his way out of this jungle, this country, and as much as he wanted to, he just couldn’t go back to her.

He was walking for another one and a half mile before he heard the sound of helicopters flew above him. He looked up and it seemed that those choppers were trying to find a place to land. He ran, trying to get away from them, but it was not fast enough until he met two familiar faces and men pointing their gun at him.

“Buck, stop!” Steve said angrily.

“Let me go, Steve.”

“No. You’ll come back with me to the palace and explain everything.”

“I don’t owe you any explanation.”

“Mr. Barnes,” T’Challa move forward, “I’m sure whatever it is, we’ll find a better solution than this,”.

“You don’t understand.”

“Then help us to understand,” Steve kept pushing him.

One last chopper had landed not too far from them. How surprised Bucky was when he saw Alex came out from inside the chopper.

“What is she doing here?” Bucky asked.

“She only wants to help, Buck.”

“No. You shouldn’t bring her here. Just go, take her with you.”

“You have no idea how you really mean for her.”

Bucky went silent before he finally said, “I do, Steve. I know her.”

“You… remember her?”

Bucky sighed and slowly shook his head, “I can’t stay. I have to go.”

“Okay, that’s it. T’Challa, if you please…,“

Then just a few seconds later, Bucky couldn’t see it coming but one of T’Challa’s man shot him down with a dart filled with a potion, Wakandan made, and it was enough to make him sleep for a couple hours. Alex finally reached them after the team put Bucky on a stretcher and immediately bring him back to the chopper.

“What happened, Steve??” Alex asked worriedly.

“Don’t worry. He’s okay. We just have to put him to sleep. C’mon, let’s go home.”


	24. Chapter 24

“The doctor said he should be awake anytime soon. He’s okay, just a little bit dehydrated,” Steve said to Alex once he walked out from Bucky’s room. They put Bucky in the medical bay again and T’Challa had assigned two men to guard his room, just in case if he was planning on run away again.

“Did he say something before they put him down?”

“No. I guess we have to wait until he’s awake, okay?” Steve tried his best to lie, knowing that wasn’t very good at it.

“Yeah, sure. Um, Steve, please try not to push him too hard, will you? No matter how much we want to know the cause, I believe he will tell you anything once he’s stable enough. I mean, you’re his best friend, right?” Alex tried to smile, even just a thin one. Steve nodded as his response.

Steve knew deep down that if Bucky really remembered her, he had to tell her himself. Steve refused to tell her anything. She had been through a lot with him didn’t remember her, and then suddenly went missing, just when everything went so well for both Alex and Bucky. Now that he was back, there would be no need to add more burdens in her shoulder. Bucky must tell her and Steve would make sure he did. It was time for him to stop running from the truth that someone did love him and he’s really worth it, despite everything the Winter Soldier did in the past.

 

* * *

 

“You shouldn’t bring me back,” Bucky said.

“You can’t keep running. I won’t let you.”

“Where is she?”

“Outside. She’s waiting to see you.”

“I can’t… I can’t face her, Steve, not after everything I’ve done to her.”

“She’s already live with _that_ fact every single day since we all went back from Siberia, Buck! Do you think that Tony would be able to hide the truth from her? And do you think she would be here if she hates you?” Steve couldn’t believe that his best friend could be this stupid. He took a deep breath and let go a long sigh, then he said, “Use your common sense, and please, use your heart. You think yourself as a… a monster, but every time she looks at you, all I see is the opposite. She truly loves you and I believe you love her back, more than I can ever imagine. Just tell her that you remember. It will be easier than running.”

Bucky didn’t say anything. He turned his head away from Steve to gaze out through the window.

“We ran long enough,” Steve added, “I’m begging you, Pal. Stop running from the only thing that will make you happy. She’ll make you feel better. I watched her suffer because of her love for you. If you truly love her, you’ll come back to her.”

Steve didn’t get any response from Bucky, but he knew that his friend was listening.

“I’ll leave you to think. I’ll be outside of you need anything,” Steve said then he left Bucky alone.

Bucky hate to admit it, but Steve was right. He needed her. He missed her, and more than anything, he loved her. He was okay when they were in Bahrain. He got his peace whenever he was with her. When they tied him up and prepared to brainwash him, not in a million years that he ever thought of seeing her again. When he remembered everything few nights ago, Bucky was too afraid with the fact that, one, she knew him but he didn’t, and two, he killed her parents. He realized that he broke her heart over and over again. He cursed himself.

It began to rain outside and Bucky couldn’t hold his tears any longer.

_I’m really sorry, Doll._

Bucky covered his eyes with his palm and started to sob quietly. He didn’t quite realize it, but he was still too tired, so he cried himself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

“There’s my sister!” Tony’s voice echoed through the hall in medical bay and immediately he got shushed by some nurses around.

Alex turned her head to the source of the voice and saw her brother walking to her direction. She stood up and smile at him. She never knew that she would be this happy to see him. They hugged and Alex refused to let go. She needed _this_ right now, more than ever.

“See, I was right. My sister missed me,” Tony whispered to her.

“Just shut up,” Alex chuckled.

Finally after a few minutes, Alex let him go, her eyes got teary.

“Hey, I’m here,” Tony wiped the tears away and gently pulled her back to sit down.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded, but Tony knew his sister very well. There was a doubt in her voice and he could see from her face that she’s been through hell the last couple days. But Tony said nothing back, he just gave her a pat on her shoulder.

“So, they finally found him? What’s the story?”

“I haven’t met him and Steve said that Bucky still needs time to rest, so probably he hasn’t told him anything yet. I’m still thinking that it was his nightmare that drove him to run away like that.”

“Yeah, that’s possible. Hey, have you eaten yet? I’m hungry and look,” Tony said pointing to his wristwatch, “It’s lunch time already. I came in a right time. C’mon, eat with me, will you?”

“I’m not hungry, Tony,” Alex gave him a thin smile.

“But you have to eat. You look… really pale. C’mon, he’s not going anywhere and probably sleeping right now. Do you want me to starve, because I’m not going without you?”

Alex scoffed, “Sometimes I wonder if you are really older than me.”

“You want prove? I can provide you with that. But first, lunch,” Tony stood up and fixing his suit. Then he turned his head to Alex who was still on her seat and shaking her head.

“Alexandra Collins Stark, don’t make me drag you to the dining hall!”

It made Alex laugh to hear Tony called her by her full name, and damn, she felt so good to be able to laugh again.

“Okay, okay, fine. Gosh, you’re so stubborn.”

Tony offered his arm and Alex took it then they walked together to the dining hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this late update. I had to go out of town for a few days last week and until now, work is still pretty crazy here *phew*  
> I hope you like this chapter, lovelies -xoxo-


	25. Chapter 25

Alex walked in slowly to Bucky’s room after her lunch with Tony. She noticed there was already a tray filled with his lunch on the overbed table, but he didn’t touch it yet. Alex thought that he was probably still sleeping and didn’t notice the nurse coming in. She sat next to his bed and took a brief moment to watch him sleeping. It brought a thin smile on her face. This felt like the first time they met again, not in Bahrain, but after he went out from cryo. It was funny yet sad for her how they could be placed in this position all over again.

“It’s rude to stare,” Bucky suddenly said with a smirk on his face although his eyes were still closed.

Alex was surprised and then she chuckled embarrassedly, “Sorry, I thought you were sleeping.”

He opened his blue eyes, “Yeah. I was awake fifteen minutes ago,” he said and he moved his body to a better position to look at her.

“Then why didn’t you eat your lunch?”

“I decided that I didn’t want to eat alone,” he smiled.

“You’re such a baby, James, you know that,” Alex chuckled, “Well, I’m here now, you can finally eat.”

“Have you eaten yet?” Bucky asked, knowing pretty well that his reckless act in the last two days must have made her neglected her own needs, and at this point, he was too afraid to imagine the things she went through when he went missing from Bahrain.

“Yeah, I did. Tony was just arrived and he forced me to have lunch with him,” Alex scoffed.

“That’s what a brother would do,” he replied.

Alex smiled and nodded, “Yeah. Now stop talking and eat. You need it, James.”

Bucky gave her a thin smile and reached out for his meal in front of him. Apparently, he thought, she was still the same girl he met years ago. She was the same girl who loved him, who understood him. She was the one who wouldn’t want to fire the thousands of question right away after something bad happened. She would let him to relax, had a normal conversation first, then when he was ready, he would like to tell her everything. There was a part in him that was really glad she didn’t change much, only stronger, and he didn’t want to waste another day being apart from her.

Ten minutes later, he was done with his lunch.

“That was fast, glad you didn’t get choked up,” Alex said. She stood up from her seat and pulled away the table. She turned to Bucky then saw something under his mouth.

“Ah, you got a bit of soup, … there,” she said and wiped it gently with a napkin. Bucky caught her hand after and held it near to his chest.

“Thank you, Lex,” he said sincerely with his eyes gazed deep into hers. He was trying to find his words. He desperately wanted to tell her everything. He waited for words to come out from his mouth, but nothing came out.

“You are very welcome,” she replied with a smile. She knew that he got something in his mind, but she didn’t want to force him. They had all the time in the world, there was no need to rush him.

James turned his head down after he let go of her hand, he sighed then he moved his body, trying to sit on the bed’s edge.

“Hey, slow down,” Alex said, trying to help him, “What are you trying to do?”

“I have something to say,” he said. She didn’t quite understand what he meant but she let him anyway.

Once he faced her, he held both of her hands and looked at her eyes once again. He cursed himself silently for forgetting those beautiful eyes that kept him company for a brief time years ago and gave him the best time of his messed-up life.

Bucky took a deep breath and then he said, “I know you wouldn’t ask if I don’t start to talk. So, I need you to know why I ran. Here we go…,” Bucky took another deep breath before he said, “I know _you_ , Lex. I _know_ everything about _Bahrain_. I _remember_. That’s why I ran. It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, I do. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But after everything I’ve done, after all the mess I’ve caused, I thought that it wouldn’t be fair for you to stay here, with me… I’m sorry, Lex. I am so sorry. I gave you many hard times and you didn’t even deserve any of it,” James grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close and buried his face deep in her chest. He started to cry.

Her mind suddenly went blank, it took her a few seconds to process everything and when the reality hit her hard, her tears came rolling down through her cheek, she ran her fingers through his hair, just like she used to do, and curled her arms around him. She couldn’t believe that she finally got her James back.

“Sssh, it’s okay, James. I’m not going anywhere, and so will you,” Alex said to him. She never felt so relieved in her entire life. All the weight on her chest was lifted immediately, they were gone. It felt like she could breath easily again. She did it. He did it. They made it through.

Bucky stood up and wiped her tears. He cupped her face and planted a deep kiss to her lips. He almost forgot how sweet it was, how much he loved kissing her, how much he really loved her. They missed each other badly and didn’t want this moment to slip away. Alex pulled away to catch her breath and she said with a wide smile on her face, “I always knew you'd come back.”

“How can I be so lucky? I don’t deserve you, you know that. I did terrible things, and the worst is I did it to you.”

“Sssh. You are a good man, I told you million times before. I will always choose you, no matter what. You can forget about us multiple times, but I will make sure you remember. I decided to give you all of my heart years ago. What made you think that I would let you go that easily? You really need to think twice for that, Barnes. Now shut up and just kiss me,” she smirked.

He smiled and planted another kiss on her lips again.

All he ever wanted was to be with her. She made things easier for him. She made his life better. He knew it since they were in Bahrain. He only forgot it, but now he remembered everything. He wouldn’t want her to go, he needed her and she needed him too.

Steve was right. This was so much easier than running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta daaaa. That's all folks!  
> I really appreciate all of your comments and kudos and I also thank those who subscribes to this work. You are all the best!   
> Stay awesome, lovelies!   
> -xoxo-


End file.
